Are you planning an Igbo traditional marriage introduction and Igba Nkwu? Do you have questions regarding the Igbo traditional engagement processes or any stage of the customary marriage ceremony? We’ve got the answers for you – in this post.
Sometimes confused grooms ask for clarification from non-Igbo friends and they’re told a mix of myths and opinions about the Igbo traditional wedding. So, in this post, you will find answers to some of the questions in your mind. You will also see a video illustration of an ‘igba nkwu’ ceremony. Read on.
By the way, this is part 4, and the final stage of the series “Stages & Process Involved in Igbo Traditional Marriage Ceremony” – you can find part 3 by clicking here.
Common Questions Grooms Ask About Igbo Traditional Weddings
Here are answers to common questions that grooms and even some Igbo bride-to-be ask about the Igba Nkwu marriage procedure:
1. Bride-to-Be is Pregnant
Question: If My Igbo Bride is Pregnant, Can I Proceed with Payment of the Dowry/ Bride Price and Traditional Marriage Rites?
This is one question that we have been getting asked a lot, recently. In many parts of Igboland, marriage rites/ traditional weddings are not performed when the bride is pregnant. Bride price payments are not accepted from a groom-to-be if the bride is carrying a baby (pregnant). There are two ways that grooms go about this situation:
- Postpone the traditional marriage rites: What usually happens is that the groom is asked to come back after the bride has delivered the baby.
- If her belly bump is not yet big/ visible and people cannot tell that she is pregnant, what some grooms do is to quickly go and do the Igbo bride price payment and engagement list at that point, and maybe also do the entire traditional marriage ceremony/ Igba Nkwu at the same time.
NOTE: With that saying, confirm from your bride or ask her to find out whether her part of Igboland allows bride price payment and other customary marriage rites to be done when the bride is pregnant.
Igbo Traditional Engagement List & Bride Price (Grooms Guide)
2. At What Point Is an Igbo Wedding Complete?
By Igbo customs and tradition, the igba nkwu ceremony is the traditional marriage solemnization ceremony. During the ceremony, the bride and groom are officially declared man and wife, and the groom can take his bride home.
3. How Many Visits in Total is the Groom Required to Make Before the Igba Nkwu?
How many times would a groom make official introductory visits before the traditional wedding/ igba nkwu? Here’s an important note about visits for the 3rd and 4th Igbo traditional marriage rites, the ime ego and the igba nkwu nwanyi respectively. Note that the visits may be compressed to two or one day, if you (the groom) are up to it, but only after prior discussion and agreement with your in-laws.
- Visit #1: Iku aka – you come to inquire from your fiance’s parents: ‘am I permitted to marry your daughter’. If you receive a ‘yes’, then you would be visiting again for the ime ego stage.
- Visit #2: Consent from the bride’s kindred/ extended family
- Visit #3: Ime Ego (bride price payment).
- Visit #4: Igba Nkwu (traditional marriage ceremony and reception)
Overview of Groom’s Customary First Visits to Meet His Igbo In-Laws
I wrote a guide to the Customary Introductory Visits Expected of Igbo Grooms where I explained more about what to expect, what usually happens, how to achieve everything in one or two visits, and other helpful tips for the groom to make an impressive first-time meeting.
You (the groom) may want to do a total of three visits (instead of four), by doing the ‘ime ego’ plus the igba nkwu on the same day. UK and USA grooms prefer doing their traditional engagement this way; however, most men like to go save up and come back for the igba nkwu.
TRENDS: We usually see grooms who live far away (from the bride’s parents) doing everything in one single visit, and we also see a lot of couples breaking the ceremony into two separate days. Both ways are fine. Another trend that we’re seeing is some grooms who live far away doing some of the pre-igba nkwu process in absentia, with their parents and close family members representing him – so that he only comes home for the igba nkwu or for the iku aka and igba nkwu stages respectively.
We also see many families making an easy way for the groom to compress all the formal introduction visits into one or two days. That means, before the actual face-to-face meetups, the groom should have met the bride’s parents in the past and should have been communicating with them a few times before. That way, when it’s time to plan the Igbo traditional wedding, the groom would not be a total stranger to the bride’s family, and could easily ask for a way to have the visits compressed.
How to Plan a Traditional and White Wedding on Same Day (Checklist)
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Kimberley says
How does the traditional ceremony work when an American bride is marrying an Igbo groom in his village?
Stella Anokam says
Hello Kimberly, In Nigeria, the traditional marriage is done according to the customs and traditions of the bride’s place of origin. So, in your case, your Igbo groom brings his parents and close family members to meet your parents, ask for your hand in marriage and marry you according to your country’s customs and traditions (and not his). *If it’s the case of an American man looking to marry a Nigerian woman, then the man would be required to come to her people, ask for their consent and do the wedding ceremonies in her ancestral home to marry her the Nigerian way.
So, in your case, the Igbo groom should be coming to your part of the World to do same, according to your tradition [and it’s okay to add bits and pieces of his Igbo customs into your wedding ceremony, if you choose to].
Wedding rites differ from place to place/ country to country.
It is your responsibility to tell him your American marriage traditions, no matter how simple or complex it is, so that your groom knows what to expect.
Hope that helps.
Very interesting Blog…….keep it up ma.
Thank you, Chidera.
Please how many times an Igbo bride changes her dress during her traditional wedding day when she’s getting married to a non Igbo guy?
There’s no rule about that. Some people do 2 outfit changes during their traditional wedding. Some do only one change and some change into 3 outfits. Generally, it depends on how many dresses you can afford to sew for your wedding.
What if d bride becomes pregnant four month to there traditional marriage can d still do it?
Tradition varies across Nigerian states and villages. I know that in some parts of Nigeria, if a bride falls pregnant, the traditional wedding is postponed to after the baby is delivered. In some parts, the traditional marriage can go on.
The best answer for how this is handled in your part of Nigeria or village should come from asking your parents/ cousins/ family elders.
Hope that helps.
Hello Mary, I don’t understand your question. But let me see – did you mean ‘after the traditional wedding is completed?’.
No, marriage certificate is not issued after the traditional wedding. While the Nigerian traditional wedding is recognized by the Government, it’s a family-organized and community-officiated ceremony, that is why. Couples who want marriage license after a traditional wedding could apply at the customary courts – I think there’s a provision for that.
Otherwise, most Nigerians do not do traditional weddings in isolation – they also do either the court registry wedding and/ or the Church (white) wedding, both of which offer marriage certificates right away.
Hope I answered your question? If not, please re-phrase?
DO YOU RECEIVE ANY CERTIFICATE OF MARRAGE AFTER THE Igbo MARRAGE IS COMPLETE ?
Hello Mary, I just answered your question, which you asked again here). Look in the comments section for that reply.
Thanks.
What attire do non-Igbo grooms wear during each stage of the Igbo traditional marriage?
Hi Florence, there’s no rule, but usually, non-igbos wear their own people’s traditional attire OR the Igbo traditional attire. The choice is the bride’s and groom’s. Read the comments section for more answers to similar questions from other readers. Thanks.
Plz dear who takes up d food expenses for d traditional wedding..d groom or the bride’s family?.. tnkx.
Hi Solanz, these days, most couples are the ones paying entire bills for the wedding.
What we see today is, usually, the groom or with his bride takes up the food bill. There used to be a traditional way of sharing bills but in most parts of the country, that does not usually hold anymore. >However, if your parents and/ or your wife’s parents are wealthy, they could, OF THEIR OWN WILL, DECIDE TO SUPPORT YOU WITH THE WEDDING CATERING (food and drinks) BILL, not for the bride and groom to impose it on them.
Today, it depends on what part of Nigeria you are from, and what the tradition/ customs dictate there – for example, some Yorubas still do it. Some families have a tradition of collectively taking care of wedding food and drinks. So, only you how fat is your and your bride’s parents pockets.
Although some parents still foot the wedding bills, not all the bills; but some part – only whereby the parents are wealthy. It used to be parents all-the-time paying for their children’s weddings in the olden days, because people married early and some do before they start working or making money.
Hope that helps.
pls can you explained to me how payment of dowry is been made among the Igbo & if there is any definite amount.
Hello Hephzibah,
Igbo bride price varies slightly from village to village, but generally has a specific amount. However, the bride price amount is only a small fraction of the Igbo traditional marriage list and rite. By the way, they are not as scary or as expensive as non-Igbos portray it.
– To see an example of what an Igbo marriage list is, read this (click). >>To get a good idea of the Igbo customary wedding stages and pre-wedding activities, right from Introduction and even before, read this (click).
The only way to know your bride’s dowry amount is to ASK your inlaws, during your preliminary and introductory visits – they are always happy to tell.
Hope this helps.
Good day Stella, my name is adaora and i’m new on this blog
my fiance and i r planning to get married by march 2018 but we dont have an idea to go about the budget, please i need your help
Best Regards
Hello Adaora, welcome to NaijaGlamWedding blog.
How much you’ll spend on your wedding will largely depend on the number of guests you invite – food and drinks would consume over half of your budget.
– So, start by setting aside the number of people you would like to have around.
– You’ll have to do some market survey/ pricing of things from vendors, so as to get current prices to work with.
– Catering Budget: Then calculate how much your feeding and drinks would cost for that number of people (ask caterers how much they would charge per plate/ guest for the food you plan to feed them, add average cost of drinks per person; AND finally multiply that by total number of guests you are looking at).
– Venue/ Hall Budget: Go around and price venues, and then narrow on top 3 that are within your like and affordability range. Add this price to the catering budget you calculated.
– Your outfits: Again, it’s only by pricing/ window shopping to get idea of current price.
– DJ, Decoration, Photography and others: Ask around
– Extra Money incase something comes up (add some loose cash, just in case).
Add up all the prices, and you’ll have your wedding budget.
NOTE: If the amount is too much, reduce the number of guests you plan on inviting, and re-calculate food and drinks cost, and then find a smaller venue (which should cost less) – that way, you can quickly and realistically get a budget close to the amount of money you and your fiancé have on hand.
We have a lot of posts here on wedding budget calculation steps and tips for reducing wedding costs.
The way about drawing up a wedding budget is towedding budget calculation stepstips for reducing wedding costs
Can the list be settled monetryly ,paying for the items instead of gettin them
Hi Jane. Yes, If the extended family agrees. It’s better to ask them first, as some people find it offensive/ degrading when a groom brings money to them instead of the LIST ITEMS. Just ask first.
Really a nice blog…looking forward to sending you some of my marriage pictures in the near future…kudos for a job well done…
Aww! You just made my day, Roseline. I’m glad that you like this our Naija wedding wedding blog 🙂
I’ll be looking forward to when you send us your wedding photos for features.
plz I need to know how igbos do their traditional marriage in the olden days. I just want to know what were involved the type of foods, clothes, hair do, and do they actually involved in flattening room once etc.
Hi Chichi, I don’t know much about the historic Igbo marriage culture and customs. Anyway, I found some information on that for you at Wikipedia (click here) and Igbo Guide website (click here). I hope that helps you.
Please how can I get the igbo Abuja traditional attire , if you know any makeup artist who provides one my location is abuja(but if the contact is in IMO or abia that’s fine by me. Thanks
Hey Vivian,
-Do you mean where to find pictures of Igbo attire styles or where to buy or rent?
-For makeup our list of artists in Abuja, Imo and everywhere else in Nigeria, check our Vendors list (click here). ALSO, you may come to NaijaGlamWedding’s Facebook group (click here) for wedding vendors and ask for bridal makeup artists – and see replies from the MUAs on our group.
Am a single yoruba man, intending to get married to an igbo girl, 4rm enugun state, dis post has really helped me a lot 2 understand what ibo marriage is all about, kudos 2 who rite dis up.
Hi Kola, I am glad to be of help – most non-Igbo people are of the perception that the igbo engagement list marriage ceremony are beyond affordable (which is wrong). Thank you very much for your candid feedback comments like yours ‘gingers’ me and my team to fire up more helpful DIY wedding planning tips. Welcome to NaijaGlamWedding.com blog, be sure to read more wedding planning tips for Nigerian grooms here (click).