2. Presentation of Marriage List Items (Customary Engagement Gifts presentation by the Groom)
During the ‘igba nkwu’ ceremony, the groom is expected to be accompanied with a larger party (his parents, more relatives and friends) than he had during the preliminary marriage rites. The groom is expected to bring along the items in the igba nkwu list.
The groom should have obtained this list from his in-laws during one of his introductory visits. This is a list of customary bridal gifts plus the dowry/ bride price that a groom must present before marrying an igbo bride.
Igbo Traditional Engagement List & Bride Price (Grooms Guide)
3. Bride Searching for the Groom in the Crowd & Feeding Him Wine
The highlight of the ‘igba nkwu’ traditional marriage solemnization involves the bride publicly pointing the man (she wants to marry) to her and the groom’s family.
This is how it happens: everyone is seated in groups – the groom is seated in the midst of his family members and friends. The bride’s father starts pronouncing marriage blessings on her and then gives her a cup/ glass of palm wine to hand to the man that she agreed to marry.
The groom would be hidden within the crowd of people present and the bride is asked to search him with a drink (palm wine) in hand. Once she finds him, she offers him the drink. If he accepts and drinks, it signifies to the public that he is “the one she accepts to marry”.
4. Prayers/ Blessing of Marriage Prayers By Bride’s Parents
After the bride finds her groom and he drinks from the wine, blessings will be pronounced on the couple by their parents. The couple is pronounced man and wife and that ends the ceremonial part.
A reception party (Igba Nkwu) with food and drinks would follow immediately or scheduled to a future date, if they prefer to have a big party. This ceremony is usually a private affair of a close family from both the bride’s and groom’s side, and so a small event usually a living room/ parlour size.
These days, some modern couples choose to have lavish Igba Nkwu (wine-carrying) ceremonies can be of any size, and many still keep it very small and intimate. It’s optional. Some couples include the traditional cake and cake cutting as part of their igba nkwu ceremony.
During the igba nkwu ceremony, families and well-wishers give gifts to the couple, and it is also an opportunity for the bride’s parents to shower their daughter with lots of gifts to show their love.
Latest Igbo Trad Wedding Hairstyles w/ Coral Bead Accessories
After the Igba Nkwu: Visitation from Bride’s Family (Bia Malu Ulo)
This is the fifth stage in the Igbo traditional wedding process. In English translation, Bia Malu Ulo means ‘come know where I my house”. Bia Malu Ulo is not a ceremony but a day that marks when the bride’s parents and her extended family officially visit her at her new home, to see how she’s faring.
In the old days, after the Igba Nkwu/ Igbo Traditional Wedding ceremony, the bride’s parents would escort her to her new home, bringing with them gifts, especially homeware and kitchen wedding gifts including essential kitchen tools and cooking utensils to help their daughter easily start off her married life.
What’s Next After the Wine Carrying (Igba Nkwu) Ceremony?
Although the igba nkwu is one of the biggest highlights of the igbo traditional marriage, it is not the final thing – there’s quite a bit more. In order not to make this post too long, I thought to make a separate post on this stage of the Igbo traditional wedding rites.
Sample Full Video of An Igba Nkwu Ceremony
Here’s a VIDEO of an Igba Nkwu Ceremony. I like that this video is unscripted and not edited – watch it see what goes on during the Igba Nkwu ceremony.
Other Posts in this “Igbo Traditional Wedding” Series
By the way, this post is part 3 of a four-post series on the Igbo traditional marriage process (a guide for grooms), and you can read the other articles from the links below (parts 1, 2 and 4) :
- Part 1 – The Igbo Traditional Marriage Ceremony Stages and Custom (Grooms Guide)
- Part 2 – Overview of Grooms Customary First Visits to His Igbo Inlaws
- Part 4 – Answers to Questions About Igbo Traditional Wedding Processes
Conclusion
Now you know what happens before, during and after an Igbo Traditional Wedding. Hopefully, this post helps you to plan your Igba Nkwu (wine carrying ceremony). I’d like to hear from you – leave me a comment below to let me know you found this post helpful, or to tell me how you’re planning or have already planned your Igba Nkwu ceremony.
Also, please do me a favour – tweet/ Facebook/ email/ share this post if you enjoyed it. And, leave me a comment to tell me what you think or where you are with planning your igba nkwu wine carrying ceremony.
mmuo ifunanya says
can traditional marriage/white wedding ceremony be celebrated in the city or must it be in the village because of the wine carrying
Stella Anokam says
Hi Ifunanya, According to culture, traditional marriages are celebrated in the ancestral home/ village of the bride.
We see some people doing it in the cities these days, and that would be because their kinsmen have permitted them to do so. You’ll have to find out from your kinsmen if you would be allowed to do your wine-carrying in the city.
Hope that helps.
Hello, Good day. My wedding is in 2months time. Instead of doing the trad and white wedding in 2 different days, I want to do it in a day. The issue here is I don’t want the reception in a village but in town. How can I diffuse everything and the event will still be beautiful?
Hi Cynthia, welcome to NaijaGlamWedding. It’s okay to want what you want for your wedding, and that includes where you want as your reception venue. It’s important to remember that etiquette demands that the wedding hosts/ celebrants be mindful that their guests do not go through stress to get to your venue. With that said, here’s how I think you can diffuse everything – trad in the village and reception in town:
-Hire and pay for buses to make it easy to get your guests from your Trad/ Church wedding venue to your reception venue. Be sure to include in your invitation cards that there will be buses to transport guests to the reception venue.
-Set a few hours apart between both events and factor in any unforseen delays, so that you and your guests have anough time to get there without rushing.
-Make the reception not last a long time. Due to the time guests will spend moving from your Trad/ Church wedding venue to the reception, they won’t be happy spending a long time at your reception party.
-Have some light, small chops available at your reception venue to hand to guests on arrival, and keep them relaxed.
-Finally, have a transportation plan to take guests back to a central drop-off spot at the village.
*Bottomline: Think about how easy/ difficult the transition/ movement will be for your guests: I assume that your village and the town venue of your reception are distances apart. How will your guests get there, from one even to the other? Will it stress them? Will it be time consuming? Do you think your guests won’t mind the distance?
That’s what I think. Hope that helps.
Good day. My groom to be, just wants to settle everything on the marriage list without the igba nkwu ceremony. But he wants the items listed under the igba nkwu to be scrapped out. Is that right? Thank you
Hi Prudent, not every couple does the Igba Nkwu part, from my knowledge. Some choose to do present the traditional wedding gifts listed in ‘the List’.
If I may ask, are you okay with his decision? If not, sit down with him and come to a compromise. Find out why he wants it scrapped – if it’s for budget reasons, see if you can do a toned-down Igba Nkwu or postpone the Igba Nkwu to a time that you guys can afford it.
Hope that helps.
Thank you for your reply! This is AWESOME!! My question about the donwry is about my price not the grooms price. (I understand that he does not have a price) His family nor my fiance has come to me asking for my parents list. Is it because I am not igbo? Since I am not Igbo is it not required for them to pay the brides donwry? I am just asking, because I want everything to be traditional. Do you think they are waiting until close to the wedding date?
You’re welcome Natalie. Here’s my reply:
SHORT ANSWER: Yes, because you’re not Igbo, he is not required to present Igbo-style list, bride price/ dowry when marrying you. The Igbo customs requires hin (groom) to do what your (bride’s) custom says regarding how weddings are celebrated in your culture.
From what I understand, your marriage customs are different, which is what he is following. If you feel like tweaking your wedding look and feel design by infusing his culture, open up to him. People do it.
You can only fault him on the basis of your (bride’s) traditional American marriage customs if he has not fulfilled any Afro-Americal marriage/ dowry/ LIST requirements. He (the man) is required by his Igbo customs to come to your place and marry you and fulfilling whatever it requires by your customs/ tradition.
No, they are not waiting close to the wedding date because they are following the Igbo custom, which says ‘follow the bride’s marriage custom when getting married to her’. If your African-American customs has ‘engagement list, dowry and family introduction ceremony, your Igbo groom expects to be told by you, and he should have done them by now (I suppose).
Since you want an IGBO TRADITIONAL-THEMED WEDDING, you may choose which parts of the Igbo marriage ceremony you want to celebrate or design into your wedding (for show). In that case, YOU are the that should tell your groom. I have seen some Afro-American women infuse bits and pieces of their Nigerian groom’s culture into their wedding. That’s an optional decision, not expected or mandatory. If that’s what you want, then tell him.
Good Evening! I am an African American woman getting married to an Igbo man and I am so excitied! However, I never was presented the idea of obtaining a dowry? Is this because I am not Igbo? or should I ask about obtaining it for traditional reasons? My finance also told me that we should wear a greetings outfit and a traditional outfit after our white wedding. I am still needing more information about he greeting part of the ceremony. Thank you!!
Hello Natalie, welcome home, sis. Thanks for reading, and for the question. Here’s my reply:
1) ON AN OUTFIT FOR GREETING: There’s nothing known as ‘greetings outfit’ in weddings across Igboland/ Nigeria. At Nigerian inter-tribal weddings, which hold at the bride’s ancestral village, the bride dresses in her native traditional attire and the groom either wears a matching outfit or dresses in his own native attire. Some couples choose to both wear the bride’s native wear first and later both change into the groom’s native wear.
>>You may want to see the traditional, church and reception dressing in Akah and Claire’s Inter-tribal Igbo (man) and Yoruba (woman) wedding.
2) ON WEARING A TRADITIONAL OUTFIT at your white wedding: First, an Igbo traditional wedding is only done IF the bride is an Igbo. As I explained, weddings in Nigeria are done according to the bride’s tradition, at the bride’s hometown.
>>With that saying, some African-American sisters who marry our brothers CHOOSE to infuse their Nigerian hubby’s traditional outfit during the wedding, which is fine. In some instances, when the groom takes his family to his non-Nigerian bride’s family to marry her, him, his family and his bride dress in his Nigerian attire and also a little culture show by his people. I hope you understand?
3) ON DOWRY: What you just explained is not an Igbo tradition/ marriage requirement. Women do not pay dowry to marry a man; it is the other way. In Igboland (and everywhere in Nigeria), it is the man that pays dowry/ BRIDE price and presents marriage gifts/ ‘ list’ items as a requirement to marry the woman.
In Nigeria, the location or venue of a wedding is the bride’s family home, and according to how the woman’s customs or traditions dictate. So, your groom should be coming to your parents/ ancestral hometown to ask for your hand in marriage, and marry you (and also pay YOUR BRIDE PRICE). He should be fulfilling your people’s marriage customs.
The right thing is that he should bring his closest family members to visit your parents and formally marry you. That is how it should be done if you were an Igbo woman or even a Nigerian from another tribe. Well, unless you want what he wants.
There’s nothing like GROOM PRICE. It’s also the same way that dowry payment was done in the Bible stories. Check… Unless you are the one that wants to ask for his hand in marriage, which is not an Igbo/ Nigerian custom. Want to confirm again, go on any Nigerian forum such as Nairaland and post your question, then compare the responses to mine.
FYI, white wedding, which we borrowed from the Europeans, is optional, but always fun to have also. The traditional wedding is legally recognized and some people do only that.
SUMMARY: The above are the facts, just so you know. There’s no rule on how you dress at the reception, but no Igbo village will change the custom to accept dowry from a woman. Hope my answers will help you make an informed decision.
>>SEE: Modern Igbo Brides Traditional Wedding Attire Styles
>>Latest Igbo Men’s Wrapper and Shirt Attire (w/ Brides Matching Outfits)
All the best!
^Looks like you’d asked this question before, or was it another American sister?
Hello,
Thank you for this, was really helpful, Please i need a wedding planner that can work with couples on a budget in Abuja, i want someone based in Abuja so that i can get the best bargains.Can you help?
Thank You in anticipation
Hello Ada. Thanks for your feedback – such helps us to know how we are doing.
I messaged you with an Abuja based wedding planner. Also here are some very easy ways to find good Nigerian wedding vendors anywhere:
– Tips and places to find Nigerian wedding vendors: read this to know what to look out for and how to filter bad from good vendors, when talking to prospective wedding vendors.
-Wedding Vendor Tips specifically for Nigerians – You may want to check out our many tips on mistakes others made with different types of wedding vendors and how you can avoid them.
I hope that helps, and all the best!
Good day, am happy to read this information. Am from yoruba land an i got mariage to an igbo man, by friday i we be have my own tradinal mariage from my husband place in igbo. Does my parent have right there at all ? (2) Does i still any list to give. Thank
Hello Temitope. I don’t understand your question. Please can you ask in a better way, to help me understand.
Aside paying the bride price and buying of things in the list. can you help me cost a traditional marriage ceremony?i mean give me a break down of #300,000 -#500,000 for the igba nkwu.
Hello Henry, thanks for reading our Igba Nkwu tips for men planning an Igbo wedding.
Basically, it is a good idea to set aside half of that amount for catering (food and drinks) – but that means you should ensure to invite only the number of people you can feed. Ask the women close to you, or your caterer, to give you an idea of how many plates of food that money can provide – they are good at doing that. OR simply find out how much a caterer can make a plate of food and use that calculate how many guests that equals to. That’s a rough way to nail down how many wedding guests to invite. **NOTE: If you invite the whole village or everybody you know, be aware that most people will not get food/ drinks, the wedding would be rowdy… Invite your closes people – these days small weddings are classier.
So, you have half of that amount to take care of everything else – your outfits, photographs and video shoots, DJ/ music band, MC etc.
That’s an idea of how to spend your wedding money.
Good after noon,
i am so glad to have found this blog. My igbankwu is coming up soon. I dont know the programme of events for the wedding. Please can you help me out cost the MC says he needs it.. Thank you
Hello Ifeoma, I’m glad that you enjoyed reading our Igba Nkwu post.
We will publish that some time later, but not so soon, as we are currently working on other topics at the moment.
Hello,
As a guest/friend of the bride, what kind of gift do I take to her igba nkwu?
P.s. This is my first time attending one.
Hello Ann,
Don’t sweat it, there’s no difference between the type of gifts that you can present to a couple at a white wedding or Igba Nkwu (or any other traditional wedding). But remember that you may also be attending her white wedding, and may need to also buy a gift, so you want something specially for your friend (the bride) on her Igba Nkwu day, uniquely different from the type of gift you would get her and her hubby on the white wedding day.
Since you are a friend of the bride, an idea would be to buy a gift specially for your friend INSTEAD of for the couple. You are know the bride as a friend, already familiar with the kind of things she is into or likes or would want. Since you know her person and style, it’s easy to buy a. It doesn’t have to be a traditional-themed gift. It could be something personal like a perfume, makeup palette or set, a book on marriage, fashion piece – dress, jewelry.
I hope that helps.
hello! my igba nkwu is coming up next two months and I don’t even know d colors to use for both me and my fiance. And evn asoebi girls. don’t know d number of girls to use. can u help me in choosing colors and also d number of girls to use?
Dear Chiska, welcome to our Nigerian wedding blog, and thanks for your question.
– On your wedding attire colour combination to choose: There’s no rule that says wedding colours must be this or that. Your wedding should show and tell people about YOU – so, the best way to decide wedding colours is to use your best everyday colour as the main colour and any other one or two colours that combine well with it (to get your aso-ebi/ bridesmaids colours and more). Since I do not know your best colour, it’s hard for me to suggest examples to you. *Very soon, on this blog, we would publish a wedding colour combo guide with examples on different colours – so check back soon.
– How many people should you have as asoebi girls? Again, there is no rule – you can have as many or as few aso-ebi girls as you like. Usally, depends on how many close friends you have who can afford to purchase and sew the asoebi you choose.
Wow, I really do love what I’m seeing here. You guys are doing a great job here. My traditional marriage is coming up in December and trust me I have picked some styles from your post. Thank you so much for making my job easy and flexible. Keep the good work going
Aww! I’m happy to hear that, Eunice. That’s why we created this Nigerian wedding blog for you, brides-to-be and your grooms. Our goal is to make wedding planning easier for brides, and it gladdens my heart to hear you tell us.
So, congrats on your upcoming Igbo trad marriage ceremony. (We look forward to your wedding photos after that – in case you like to have us feature it on this site).
Am due to do my trad wedding next week and am running helter skelter looking for where to rent coral beads in Lagos. I just stumbled on this site.
Please any pointers. God bless you as you save my day
Hello Oge, thanks for landing on my website – yes, I know some people that rent out Coral beads and trad wedding costume. By the way, congratulations on your Igba Nkwu holding next week.
If you’re based in Lagos, Contact any of these people:
-Foluke – 08055532547/ BBM 2BC5A902, 12 marayesa street Aguda surulere
-Kelechi – 07034626807 (call or whatsapp)
-To find more or other wedding vendors OR request for them to contact you, head over to our wedding vendors community on Facebook (click). We have a compiled list of wedding professionals that are members and you can access that list from the Facebook group page.
Hope this is helpful.
pls am about getting married and Dont want to tie wrapper or tube dress In my first outing can I be allowed??
Hi Vivian, I’ve seen igbo brides break the traditional native outfit rules, sometimes because they want to dress like their husband-to-be’s people or just for no reason. So, yes, these days some igbo brides are choosing to not wear wrappers or tube dress during their traditional engagement ceremony.
I stumbled on this blog today, and I must say that I am impressed.. Good job you are doing.. More strength.. My question has already been answered; about how many outfit an Igbo bride is expected to wear.
Thank you so much, Jenny. I’m happy to hear that. Be sure to look around for more – we have plenty practical tips to help Nigerian brides plan a better wedding, with minimum stress.
Hi am so happy to get this block,as an
SA lady marrying an Igbo I need help I want to perform igba nkwu as is it my hubby capture ,am confused here how many time must the bride change the clothes and what the first dressing she hv to wear plss help
Hi Esther,
Usually, the igbo bride changes outfits twice – the first is during her first outing when she comes out to greet her inlaws – most brides-to-be wear the traditional umu-ada attire (wrapper tied round her chest top-down or a tube-style dress – with coral beads on her waist, neck, and a coral cap).
Her second outing is during the ceremony proper, where the bride wears the igbo double-wrapper with blouse.
Hi, thank you for this eye opening blog. Makes planning alot easier but for one thing though….you ddnt say how a couple should dress especially when they are of different tribes or same tribe but different states. Especially amongst ibos of different states eg Anambra bride&abian Groom.
thank you.
Thanks for your feedback, Chidinma. We love hearing from our readers. Now that you asked about igba nkwu outfit ideas (for inter-tribal couples or couples from different Ibo states), I’ll add that to our list of topics to write a post for. But to quickly answer you, most couples like to change outfits more than once – for example, the first outfit for you and your fiance could be the bride’s hometown traditional wear; and the second outfit could be the groom’s state/ tribe trad wear. The same thing goes for the food and music – mix up. Hope you get the gist – there’s no right or wrong on how you choose to mix traditional and cultural wears and entertainment at your wedding.
hi,
my igba-nkwu is coming up in january next year in anambra state, and i am in need of a makeup artist who is based in the east (anywhere in anambra will be just fine). pls can you help?
thank you
Hi Nkechi: Congrats on your upcoming ‘igba nkwu’. I’ll pass your request to the makeup artists in our ‘wedding vendors Facebook group’, so that the makeup artists in the East can respond to you. I don’t know any in Anambra. Be on the lookout for my next message to you.
You could invite any makeup artist from lagos for your traditional wedding (wine carrying). You can contact beads and beauty makeover and accessories via 08038181167(whatsappp), 09097763037(whatsapp). Bb pin: 27aa0c57, 7f112d12. faceboook: Beadandbeauty makeover. Brides all the way to dec feb 2014 gets facials, body polish as bonus service in addition to brides mum getting bonus makeup and gele tieing service.
Awesome, Funmilola! Thanks for stepping in. Nkechi should automatically see your reply in her inbox, and hopefully contact you.
Nkechi. while we are waiting for some makeup artists in the East to contact you through this comments section, you may want to ask someone I know, Ngozi Ezeka of JagaBeauty Makeovers (call her at 0803 335 8318 or 0807 154 5558) – they are based in Lagos, but most makeup artists travel out of their base when they have a client like you.
Thank you Stella for recommending us! You are awesome!
You’re welcome, Ngozy. You guys do awesome bridal makeup at JagaMakeup studios, so we are happy to spread the word:)
thank you for this informative write up.
I have a question though. for a non-Nigerian marrying a Nigerian groom. how do I incorporate the igba nkwu with the pastor’s blessing? I want to include both because I’m from a Christian South African family and our traditional wedding also includes the pastor blessing the couple.
so when is the right time for that? is it before I search for my husband with the cup of palm wine as the Igbo tradition dictates then seek the pastor’s blessing, or get blessed by the pastor then perform the igba nkwu later?
I’m so confused as I dont want either families to feel left out. we will still have our white wedding but at a much later stage. and I too love the igba nkwu. can’t wait to see myself in those beautiful dresses and beads.. I’m so excited.
please assist me as I’m drawing up my program.
thank you in advance.
Carol
Hi Carol:
Thanks for reading – I’m glad this post helped you some.
To answer your question – ideas on how you could incorporate the pastor’s blessing with the igba nkwu, see my answers below:
a.) Here’s the thing – traditionally, the igba nkwu comes first before Church/ Pastor’s blessings, and so most couples SCHEDULE in their church wedding after their igba nkwu.
b.) Time for blessing is towards the end of the “ígba nkwu”, after the bride finds the groom and feeds him a drink. Towards the end of an ‘igba nkwu’ ceremony, the brides’s parents would pray for/ pronounce their blessing on the couple. An idea is to make your “igba nkwu” programme of events include your Pastor’s blessing right after the parents’blessings – so that it looks like the Pastor sets in to seal the “blessing”. Let your MC know/ have the integrated programme of events.
I bet you’d look gorgeous in the ibo traditional wedding attire and the beaded princess head-crown. We can’t wait to feature your wedding here:)
Let me know if you still have questions:)