About Stella Anokam

Stella is the founder and Editor of this blog (NaijaGlamWedding). Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Google+ and Pinterest. Submit your photos to be featured - it's FREE, because we love everything weddings, bridal showers, engagement shoots.

Comments

  1. Hi gud p.m,pls I’ll be having my engagement dis year Oct..pls ma wen is it proper to do d traditional marriage

    • Hello Faith,
      I am confused about your question. The traditional engagement is what almost everyone means as the traditional wedding/ marriage.

      Can you re-word your question, so I know how to answer 🙂

  2. wow, I’ve learnt a lot, thanks to u. I ve a question, am pregnant for my man n hw wishes to marry me with immediate effect but d problem is my dad, he feels m nt old enough to be married even at age 27

    • Hi Tina,
      Thanks for your feedback – I am happy to know that you got good value from our Nigerian wedding planning articles. Now, on to your question, find my reply below:
      – You said you’re pregnant and he wants to marry you immediately: Congratulations, that’s a good thing, but you’ll have to find a way to announce the pregnancy to your parents and make them understand (you know how Nigerian parents feel about pregnancy before marriage).
      – You said your father feels you are too young to get married: Almost every parent sees their children as kids, no matter how old they grow to – you’ll understand when you have yours. >>My question is – have you told him that you’re pregnant? Maybe if you do, he’ll change his mind. I believe he would not want you to have the child out of wedlock, and would be more willing (to give your hand in marriage) when he hears that your man is accepting responsibility and wants to make it legal. >>So, my advice is to sit down with him and let him know the true situation, and be sure to first apologize for disappointing him (because every dad’s wish is for their daughter to first get married before pregnancy). You may want to first talk to your mother about it – she may go before you to talk to him and make him go easy on you.
      Hope those tips help.

  3. How can I manage 450k… I already bought some stuffs like the mother’s item..all

    • Hi Frank, the only way is to find places to purchase the (engagement) list items on wholesale/ bulk prices.
      Ask the women, especially married women/ mothers around you for where items are sold in bulk prices, which usually cost way less than regular places.

  4. Ajani Olubayo says:

    Browsing through the Internet for a detail explanation and I am happy to found myself here, the articles have really opened my eyes to a lot of misconceptions. I am a Yoruba guy planning to marry my best friend which is an ibo girl from Imo state but based in Lagos with her parents. I am planning an introduction but don’t even know what to prepare for it. I’ve once visited her parents with my two friends and I presented myself to them and made my intention known to them, they asked a lot of questions but they later accepted me that day, I went with some wines on that day. Subsequently, I pay visits to them anytime I wish either alone or with a friend. And now, we want to take a step further as her parents requested.
    My question now is that:
    1. What can I call that my first visit, can I refer it to be that step you called “knocking on the door”
    2. What can I prepare for the next visit and how can I plan it
    3. How many people can I go with
    What are the things expected of me to do according to Igbo culture
    Please help me with all those questions, my girlfriend can’t answer all those questions as well because she’s the first born and they were brought up in Lagos, she only knows about Yoruba marriage. I will be grateful if you can give me the best guidelines and answers to all my questions as I don’t want to stay my image with her parents cos they really like me. Thanks

    • Hello Ajani, you started on the right track. Bravo!
      So, you have technically, officially made your intentions known to her parents. NEXT is:
      – ASK her parents for the traditional marriage list (see what it looks like here)
      – Purchase the ‘ LIST ITEMS”. This is the main things you will prepare for (as per your second question).
      – Fix a date for your ” IME EGO (bride price payment) and IGBA NKWU (trad wedding ceremony & reception) [Involve her parents in decisions regarding date, venue location and other matters]. **This is the Igbo version of IGBEYAWO.
      -Invite your own people (comprising close family, friends) – it’s okay to have many as you can afford to have. This is similar to the number of people you’ll ask to escort you if it was a Yoruba bride/ wedding.
      – Do the IGBA NKWU ceremony and take your wife home

      So, meet her parents and let them know that you are now ready to perform the traditional marriage rites and pay the bride price; ASK THEM FOR THE ‘CUSTOMARY MARRIAGE LIST”. Be open to her parents to let them educate you on the next steps and process to take. Even though you’ve read this post and have an idea of what the Igbo traditional marriage process is, still ask them – they’ll be happy to tell you.

      Since you’re already familiar with her family, you may want to do the remaining things at once, AFTER YOU GET THE LIST.

      Generally, there’s nothing intimidating – plan this jointly with your inlaws and ask them questions along the way. They are expecting your questions.

      Hope those tips help. All the best!

      • Ajani Olubayo says:

        Hi Stella, thanks for your reply. I did my introduction proper on Jan 15 and it was marvelous. I went there with my close family numbering around 20 and we re welcomed very well. I must be sincere, Yoruba can never be such friendly or entertain more than that (kudos to igbo). Even the drinks we carried along was shared before we left and more drinks were brought out as well to entertain us. Now, I ve collected the engagement list and it was not as people proclaimed it to be, it was moderate and reasonable, majority of things there are just symbolic. As a matter of fact, it use to be more than that in Yoruba engagement but it’s not documented and it’s not always on a list like that. The next stage now is my traditional which I believe God will take control. Thanks

        • Hi Ajani. Congratulations! I’m so happy to hear that it all went well.
          Thanks for confirming that ‘the Igbo traditional marriage list and things are not as scary as most non-Igbos say it is. I told you that it’s not very different from the way you do it in Yorubaland.
          I look forward to hearing about the trad wedding – but then, I believe that it would be awesome.
          Thanks for the feedback.

  5. I want to marry an igbo girl precisely from abia state.Can I visit my bride family alone for introduction before going with my family.is it rite.

    • Hello Fidel. Yes, it’s the best way – you first do a casual visit to her family. That way, you would gauge their acceptance of you, familiarize yourself with them, ask for the engagement list – so that you will come back with your family to do the ceremony and present the list items to them.

    • My husband to be want to come and pay a casual visit to my family.
      Is it right for him to visit with win or should he come empty handed. Please list the items that is necessary here. He will be come on 1st` January 2017.

      • Hi UG, it’s not compulsory; but out of respect for your parents and to leave a good impression, it’s better for him to go with a small gift item, like a wine and/ or any item(s) he feels like – maybe also with a gift of wrapper for your mom. There’s no particular list of things to take along – anything, but drinks are common.

  6. Nenye Baby says:

    Dear Stella,
    My husband to be is in a far away country and will be coming back this december for ime ego in my home town in Anambra State, left for me i will like the ime ego and igba nkwu to take place same day(igba nkwu is every girl’s dream) because I work with a bank in Lagos, but he insists on only ime ego, i have a tight schedule and might not get another leave next year for igba nkwu so i want to know if I’m rightly married after ime ego so i can just go ahead and plan for my white wedding next year in Lagos.

    • Dear Nenye, thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. Nne, I totally ‘feel’ you on your preference of having both ime-ego and igba-nkwu on the same day. It can even be cheaper than hosting them separately, as you’ll save time and costs from travels (both of you making only 1 trip instead of 2). I also agree that it’s a classier arrangement.

      Thing is that he obviously has his reasons, and you have to find out what they are – is it costs or what? Is it that he can only afford to do one this year and wants to save up towards the igba-nkwu? Usually, for men, they are overwhelmed with the cost of preparing for a traditional marriage ceremony, and in most cases they over-think it and are afraid that it will cost them more than it actually costs (that’s what guys tell us when they email us here).

      -It’s also your trad – I suggest that you find out why he wants to do them separately. AMD, you should talk him into seeing the advantages of doing these 2 igbo traditional marriage rites on same day, by presenting the WINS for him.
      -Negotiate and offer ways to make having the two marriage rites much easier/ simpler for him. You know, most men don’t like the tiny details involved with traditional engagement/ wedding planning, even though they want to handle that and let you handle the white wedding.
      -If the igba nkwu budget/ cost is what’s holding him back – maybe he wants to throw you a ‘befitting’ IgbaNkwu. Maybe, working out a low-cost igba nkwu, with not so many guests, may get him to agree.

      So, find out his reasons and offer your winning suggestions.

      That’s my thoughts.

  7. hi thanks for the advices care and guide,

    pleas i will like to know the steps taking to get married to an Ikeduru girl, also one who’s parents are late

    did the introduction in the lagos in the presence of the family members but the uncle insist we must come down to the village and present same thing we presented at the introduction before we can collect the list

    in addution is it a must to do everything in the list at once,

    please urgent reply would be helpful cos am in deep thought as to wether to continue with the whole thing anymore cos its weighing me down

    • Hello Chinedum, welcome to NaijaGlamWedding. We love guys like you who are involved in their wedding planning – well done, bro.
      Now to your question, let’s take it one by one:
      -Igbo marriage processes slightly differ from one village/ state to another, so my advice here is based on my own part. Your woman’s igbo village’s marriage customs may also be different, so use my advice here as a general guide.
      -The tradition is that you first meet her Father/ his rep/ Uncle, make your intentions known, and he (her Father/ Uncle) will then tell the people in the village that you will come on so and so date to be introduced to them. When you visit her family elders at the village, there you will ask for the marriage list, and things you need to prepare towards the traditional marriage.
      -About collection of the list: You have to physically go there before you can collect it. But if her Father was alive, he may be able to go on your behalf to collect the list.
      -If her Uncle is asking you to visit the village, maybe her late Father has direct brothers who are closer to the bride than ‘this Lagos Uncle’and who you need to also formally ask him/ them for her hand in marriage, and FORMALLY REQUEST FOR THE MARRIAGE LIST.
      -I don’t know what you took to the ‘Lagos Uncle’, but you don’t need to buy too many things to go and introduce yourself to the bride’s Father’s relatives – a gift/ present is mandatory, usually some quality hot drinks/ wine and kolanuts and maybe one or more crates of soft drinks.
      -HERE’S TIP: Get her Uncle to your side, he is the one to lead you to the village. He doesn’t need to go, but will make phone calls ahead to tell them you are coming and give you tips on how to ‘deal’with the people in the village.
      -TIP 2: With some pleading and begging, you can get them to reduce the number of each type of items in the list, so that your expenses will be within your reach. That’s what guys are doing, and families/ relatives are always willing to listen to the groom.
      -TIP 3: When going to her village, ask a few people from your family and maybe 1 or 2 friends to escort you – it is best to go with people who have been to marriage negotiations/ bride price bargaining meetings before.

      MY FINAL ADVICE: Relax, it will go well and you will marry your bride without too much hassles. Just go and see her main people without empty hands (quality hot drinks) and plead and beg to get the list down.

      Hope these tips will help you.

      • thanks for the info, very insightful and helpful.

        please can the collection of the list and traditional be done almost on same day, since the bride-to-be’s parents are late just the brother’s and sisters

        and can like 300k cover the cost

        • You’re welcome, Chinedum. I’m glad I was of help – that’s why I created this Naija Wedding Planning blog.
          -The only way to gauge how much that will be enough for the marriage list is to use this one to gauge/ make a budget (click) by pricing the cost of those items in the market. NEXT, add some extra money just in case there are some other items in their own list. **TIP: Go with some elderly people from your side. TIP: Plead, respectfully beg them to cut down quantities of items here and there.
          -IF YOU CAN DO INTRO-VISIT AND PRESENT LIST SAME DAY: Thing is how will you know the list except you make that first visit? The tradition/ custom is to have a couple of days or weeks or months in-between when list collection and when you come to do the traditional bride price payment and trad wedding. This is because:
          1) Once you see the list, YOU will know when/ date you can comfortably come back to present the dowry and items in the list – maybe the next day, 2 days after or as-you-decide.
          2) You are not likely to finish buying everything in that list within the same day you visited them.
          3) You won’t want to just take the purchased list-items on a day that was not agreed in advance – so use that first day to tell them when next you will come for the ‘occasion’ or let them know you will communicate the date in a few days’time when you are sure.
          -OUR TIP FOR GROOMS-TO-BE: If you want to do everything at once, you may want to plan 2 days or more in between, let’s say Friday to Monday.
          -TIP 2: Most Igbo villages have days that they forbid to host marriage-related events or bride price payments. So, ASK and plan your trip not to fall within that day.
          -TIP 3: If you plan to do everything within a day or two, send a message ahead, in advance before you visit, through the bride’s Father/ parents or her Father’s representative (if her Father is late) – let them know date and time you will be coming, so that the elders will be around for you (they are also busy people, and you won’t make a good impression if your visit is a ‘surprise, unannounced one’).
          -TIP 4: Even before your very first first-meeting, introductory visit to her family elders, the date has to be agreed in advance between you and her Father or his rep. Let her Lagos Uncle arrange that, and you confirm before making the trip.

          I hope the above tips will be of help. Don’t worry, it will be easier and smother than you thought.

  8. Thanks for your advice and teachings pls I have some questions
    1. Is it wrong for the bride to collect the list. I ca for the groom
    2. What is needed to collect list in ikeduru
    3. Is the groom expected to do all the funding for the introduction like entertainment and all

    Pls urgent

    • Hello Chinedum, thanks for your feedback. Here are my answers:
      – Traditionally, it is wrong for the bride to collect the marriage list. Her people will ask her if she is the one coming to marry herself, or whether her intended-husband is a faceless masquerade. The purpose of the groom first visiting her village family is so that they will get to SEE YOU, have a feel of your personality, hear you ask them for their daughter’s hand in marriage. They will deem it suspicious if you want to hide from the customary introductory visit, especially if you live in Nigeria.
      – The groom-to-be is the one that is officially given the list. The bride has to take you to show her parents and elders of her family that you are asking for her hand in marriage. It is there, at some point, that you will ask them what and what needs to be done/ marriage processes.
      *As part of answering you, they will give you ‘the marriage list”.
      -What is needed to collect the Igbo engagement list is the presence of the man who is proposing the marriage.

  9. when the would-be -groom stop at the introduction stage can it be considered as marriage

    • ONLY IF he ALSO paid the bride’s dowry/ bride price and also present all the items in the ‘traditional marriage list’ that was given to the groom (by bride’s clan).
      ‘Introduction’ alone is just what it is – the groom and his family coming to introduce themselves and their intention to the bride’s family. These days some men who live far away tend to shorten the trips by doing both the introduction and list-items presentation + bride price around same time.

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