Today’s post is for the groom out there who is preparing to marry a Yoruba bride and wondering: what are the list of things/ gifts a groom need to buy to take to the bride’s family during the traditional marriage ceremony in Nigeria?, or what does the Yoruba bride price list look like? or even how much do I need to prepare for a Yoruba traditional marriage/ engagement?
So, to provide you the answers, I reached out to a Yoruba man to ask what and what he bought as part of the customary wedding list for his traditional engagement ceremony. I also confirmed from two newlywed Yoruba brides; I asked them about the list of things their grooms brought to their traditional Yoruba marriage ceremony. This post presents my findings – I hope it helps prepare your mind before you receive the traditional engagement list from your inlaws.
Photo Credit: Obi Nwokedi, Nigerian Wedding Photographer
Yoruba Engagement List: See What Goes Inside (Guide for Budgeting)
- 1 Bible
- Engagement ring
- 1 box/ suitcase of clothes
- Umbrella
- Yams (42 big tubers)
- Palm Oil and Vegetable Oil (25 Litres)
- Honey (1 bottle)
- Kolanut (Obi in yoruba language; 25 pieces)
- Bitter kola (orogbo, in yoruba language)
- Alligator pepper (42 pieces; Atare, in yoruba language))
- Sugar cane
- Maize/ corn Cake (Aadun, in yoruba language)
- Fruits (different types)
- Rice (1 bag)
- She-Goat
- Yoruba Traditional Cloth (Aso- Oke)
For items below, the groom can bring as much as he can afford:
- Salt (1 bag)
- Bottled water
- Wine (1 bottle)
- Soft drinks
- Some cash for some traditional customary rites during the engagement ceremony: this includes the bride price, which I am told that is Five thousand Naira (N5,000) in most yoruba villages. The rest of the cash gifts, as I was told. Is about ten thousand Naira (N10,000) and is just a symbolic/ ceremonial thing and not about the money – N500 here and N1,000 there for things such as “owo isigba” (money to open the list of items that the groom brought), “owo ijoko iyawo” (money to bring in your bride), Owo Iya Gbo(money to seek the bride’s mother’s consent) , money to ask for her father’s consent, money to unveil the bride etc. And the traditional MC (Alaga in yoruba language) makes it all very interesting by playfully ‘making the groom pay’ before they unveil the bride, get her parents consent and so on.
ALSO: Traditional Wedding Checklist
How Yoruba Engagement List Varies Slightly From Place to Place
When cow is part of the list: On how the basic engagement list varies slightly across different Yoruba towns and villages, one of our readers (Seun) added that “Some in-laws ask for specific gifts/ contributions towards the traditional wedding reception catering, to support feeding of guests”. Seun continues: “Typical additional items include a cow, a bag of rice, a keg of palm-wine and vegetable oil. The reason for these is to have the groom share in the catering bill at the traditional engagement or reception, so that as the groom provides the cow to be used (for meat), the in-laws would provide the remaining catering/ food items”.
Is cash accepted as an alternative for missing Yoruba engagement list items: I also reached out to ask an old Yoruba woman (a grandmother/ mama) about the typical yoruba traditional engagement list – she told me that some items can be done in cash, meaning that the groom may be allowed to put down a cash value for an item in place of bringing the item.
It’s in bad taste for a groom to go empty handed: The mama says that it is not good for the groom to visit his in-laws empty-handed – he is expected to bring all or some of the items and confirm from the bride’s family if he could bring cash in place of specific items in the list.
The grandma also told me that there may be a slight variation across different Yoruba villages, in what makes up the traditional engagement list, but that many of the items are the same all over.
By the way, you need to plan for how many guests to invite to your engagement ceremony. That depends on whether you want the event to be low key or over-the-top. You also need to consider how much space you have at the venue where the traditional marriage will take place. Just so you get an idea, most couples invite only a handful of their friends and the rest are close family members.
MORE: Top 100 Aso-ebi Styles for Wedding Guests – Ideas for Brides & Grooms
ALSO: Top 100 Aso-oke Styles, Designs and Colour Combination
Budgeting for a Yoruba Bride Price and Traditional Engagement
Now, for our dear grooms, if you’re in the middle of going to see your bride’s Yoruba family, now you have an idea of how much a Yoruba engagement ceremony would cost you to. It’s important to get the bride price and your traditional marriage settled as soon as possible before your white wedding; although we are seeing more grooms doing this on the same day as their white wedding or a few days or weeks apart, the choice is yours.
ALSO: How to make a budget for a Nigerian marriage ceremony
And if you’ve already done your engagement ceremony, is there anything in the list above that was different from your own list? Or were there other items you bought that are not listed above? Also, I’d love to hear what the engagement list is like for other Nigerian tribes – from newlywed brides, grooms, as well as those who already completed their trad engagement ceremonies. Let’s hear it in the comments section below.
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Hello.. I’m an American man engaged to a Nigerian woman ( Yoruba ). Over here it is customary for the brides family to pay for the wedding.. Do you have any suggestions?? Thank you.
Hello Brad, welcome here, and congratulations on your engagement to a Nigerian.
Here, in Nigeria, it is similar in some parts of Nigeria (such as the Yoruba parts) and different in most other parts (such as the Igbo-speaking areas of the country).
As you may know, in Nigeria, 2 different wedding-related celebrations are had: one is the traditional engagement, and the second is the white wedding. This is how it works in the Yoruba parts of Nigeria.
(1) TRADITIONAL ENGAGEMENT: The bride’s family pays for the occasion (venue, food, drinks), as they are the HOSTS (traditionally, the venue is the bride’s parents’ house). This event is where the groom and his family come to officially ask for the bride’s hand in marriage. >>The groom may choose to help fund some of the expenses, if he chooses or if the bride’s family is not financially okay.
(2) WHITE WEDDING: The groom’s family pays; however, in some cases, the bride’s family may choose to help.
With that said, these days, most Nigerian couples (bride and groom) are ditching the custom on who pays for what, and funding their entire engagement and white wedding celebrations themselves, as opposed to their families footing the bill (as was the custom).
My suggestion is to have the discussion with your bride-to-be on how to fund your wedding, and start making a budget right away. Hope that answers your question.
Wow, am so relieved have been worried about what to do for some months now, cos I have nobody to plan With me, am so glad I found your article it is really helpful.Good job, keep it up more strength
Thanks for reading, Ayanfeoluwa. I’m happy to hear that our pre-wedding tips helped you towards planning your Yoruba wedding. >>Be sure to read our other helpful Nigerian wedding planning tips and advice for brides. Have fun planning, and I wish you a fabulous wedding day!
Hi. The list varies from town to town and as per the cow, some in laws ask for a cow in the bride list as well as a bag of rice, a keg or vegetable oil and palm oil and the reason for this is to have the groom share in the bill of feeding at the engagement or reception.
The groom provides the cow to be used while the in laws provides the remaining food.
Hi Seun, thanks for that additional information on what is included in the Yoruba traditional marriage list.
I’ll be sure to update the above article with your input (our Yoruba wedding expert just confirmed it).
Thanks for stopping by to read; hope you saw our wedding planning tips for Nigerian grooms-to-be.
Thanks so much!like how much someone can budget for the engagement lists?Thanks!
Hi Mayowa, if she’s a yoruba bride, use the above list as a guage on how much to budget – that is, after pricing the items in the market and total up the amount. Then go and formally ask your inlaws for the official bride price/ engagement list.
What you should budget is exactly the total amount of the items in the traditional marriage list that your inlaws have you. First go and request for the engagement list, and go and price the items in the market, then total up the amount to get HOW MUCH TO BUDGET FOR THE ENGAGEMENT LIST.
*Next, save up for that and go and pay the bride price and do the customary marriage rites.
Wow! I’m so happy to read this article. At least I have a little idea of what I’ll be bringing to the Bride’s house. May God provide for me come 2017
is cow not part of the list?
No, dear. But it may be in some parts of Yorubaland – I’m not sure. Would be nice to know.
Thank u very much for dis poSt.we’ve been Thinkin abt wat 2 do on d items 2 bring 2 my family.dis Write up has eased some of my worries.tanx alot
You’re welcome, Chineye. I’m happy to know that this Traditional Engagement/ Bride Price List was of help. Note that it’s meant to help you guage how much to budget for the items, BUT you should not buy them until your husband-to-be officially asks for the list from your family (which may be slightly different from this guide). Thanks for reading and I wish you a fab wedding.
I have my notebook and pen right in front of me now to dub what you’ve share…thank you. I asked my sister to provide with engagement list since ans she’s been delaying so I thought to take matters in my own hands. Voila! I find you and very useful piece too. God bless.
Thanks for your feedback, Honiilols. I am happy that this Yoruba engagement list guide has eased your stress. Be sure to check our other helpful wedding planning guides and tutorials.
Whaoo! great write up…… I am so sure this will reduce so much stress on what to get for my upcoming traditional engagement this year by God grace. To be sincere, you are doing a reasonable work here. Kudos to you!
Thanks, MoreniKeji. I’m happy to know that our Yoruba bride price/ dowry list has been of help to your traditional wedding planning. I hope to see you aruond on other helpful articles we have in stock for you.
this is a great writeup..especially for those of us preparing to wed and without the know-how. I pray the bride family dont ask me for alligator pepper, bitter kola ..too fetish for me. Honey and others are cool…THANKS!!
Thanks, Dammy – we love hearing from guys who are preparing to get married. Hahaha (about the alligator pepper and bitter kola). Let’s hope they won’t ask you to 🙂 Happy wedding-planning, Dammy, and we pray your wedding turns out fabulous.
Ok i am Yoruba and this is a nice piece. But i think the prices are not realistic. One it is almost impossible to get an indoor hall for 150,000. and the decor and photography, for intro alone, the photographer billed 80k. had to look for someone else who collected 25k but no videos.
i wish you more realistic considering what Lagos is like right now.
Sorry i may have commented on the wrong article.
Thanks for your comment, Ayodeji. Yes, you’re commenting on the wrong article, but no worries 🙂 Wedding budgeting is not a one-size-fits-all, and that example budget we featured was for a couple that had a low budget wedding. I’m not sure if you saw them all – we showed 5 different wedding budget examples for different amounts (click). I know what you mean about the high cost of wedding venues and photographers, and a lot depends on where (location) of the wedding – a N150k wedding venue in a city may cost less than N50k in the village or remote areas. The cost of venues and wedding service providers are not the same everywhere – hence some low budget couples choose to locate their weddings in the village or in remote locations – depending on locations, some couples even get free venues or cheap town halls. *Let’s be realistic, how many ‘average Nigerian couples’ can afford a N150k wedding venue? Not so many. **So, you see, we can’t possibly show an example wedding budget that is the mind of every single couple – and that is why we created these step-by-step resources to guide about-to-wed couples to make their own budget:
-Tutorial on how to make a wedding budget from scratch
–Nigerian Wedding budget calculator, and how to use it to allocate Wedding budget to different wedding things.
Thanks for reading our wedding planning tips. I hope those resources help.
Wow! I love this info I never knew such info is a available online but I came across this while writing my own budget and it really help me a lot. Good job and God bless you
Aww! Thank you very much for that feedback – it just made my day brighter 🙂 I am happy to know that you found helpful wedding planning tips here on NaijaGlamWedding blog. Just in case, I have loads of helpful guides on the area of wedding budgeting here, Nigerian wedding budget calculator here, tips on how to pull off a classy low-cost, small Nigerian wedding here. *Feel free to download our free wedding planning templates – extremely helpful.
Aww! Thank you, Taiwo, for your feedback. I am glad that we were of help to making your wedding planning a bit less-stressful. God bless you too, and we wish you a happy wedding.
What I mean is that some family request for cattle as part what to bring. Away thank U.
Oh, okay. I’m just hearing that for the first time; however, it helps to nicely NEGOTIATE some items with your inlaws and you can only successfully do that if you establish a good relationship with your bride’s parents – they may give you tips on what to tone down if you honestly open up to them about your pocket-size. Most traditional engagement lists are a CUSTOMARY requirement for each village, and not made up by individuals (such as bride’s family members). The lists are fixed by the community leadership, in most cases they are the same requirement their ancestors used – in some cases, a couple of items are modernized. Thanks for asking, and hope this helps.
Just what I needed. But can you please talk more about engagement budjet. You are not saying anything about meat- I mean cattle then ofi (attire). Plz help
Hi Paul, I’m happy to know that this article helped you. Okay, I’ll find time to write an article about engagement budgeting. What exactly do you want to know about ‘meat/ cattle’. We hope to write more on attire planning, but you may get an inspiration by looking at our aso-oke colour combo and styles for couples and brides here (click).
I really appreciate this. It has done a lot in helping me to get some information i need for my engagement.
Aww! Thanks, Olamide. I’m glad that our traditional engagement tips have helped you better prepare for your Yoruba wedding introduction. All the best.
I really appreciate dis, is a stress free post & culture awareness and respect.Thx for helping me tru in my coming programme dat has been stressing me of what to write 4 my inlaw.God bless u.
Hi Florence, welcome to NaijaGlamWedding blog, and thanks for the feedback. I’m happy to know that those tips have helped you get through drafting up the engagement list for your inlaw. I’d also want to add that the above bride price/ engagement list is just a guide, slightly varies from village to village, and you are required to OFFICIALLY ASK for it from you kinsmen and extended family elders in the village. We published this to help grooms-to-be and their families budget in advance – knowing that whatever variations they get (after they officially receive the bride price list) will be minimal.
*Again, thanks for reading and commenting.
dis is really helpful bt I want to knw if itz during introduction bride price is paid or during d traditional engagement ceremony
Thanks Folasade. It’s during the traditional engagement ceremony.
I appreciate this as it’s going to prepare me for what and what to get ready for my son’s in-law to-be as we preparing for Yoruba tradition engagement before the end of this year. We want to do it the ideal way. Thank you so much.
Good to hear that this Yoruba engagement list has helped. Thanks for the feedback, Moji – it’s my pleasure.
u’re doing a great job here, infact u guy reduce my long time headache…..
Hi Osmoshine. Thank you dear, for your feedback. We are happy that we could be of help. We wish you a fab traditional wedding.
Thank u. dis site really reduced my stress
You are welcome, Funmi. Your feedback has just made my day – thank you. Ensure to read our other wedding planning tips for traditional and white wedding – you’ll love them.
Good work,keep it up
Thank you, and welcome to NaijGlamWedding blog.
Thanks a lot, its helpful.. am planning a wedding and am kinda confused on what to include in the list.
Hi Olamide. I’m glad that this post helped you. Our traditional wedding checklist of things to do will also help you a great deal – click here to read it http://naijaglamwedding.com/nigerian-traditional-wedding-checklist/ (A link to our white wedding to-do checklist is in that post). I wish you all the best.
dis is rly helpful.Thumbs up
Thanks, Bukolami. I’m happy this helped you with planning your Yoruba traditional wedding.