Asking or begging for money is an awkward thing to do, but then Nigerian weddings are super-expensive. If you want to ask your parents for money to help pay for wedding expenses, there are ways to go about it. In this post, I’ll share with you a few steps you can follow to ask for wedding budget from your parents, including sample wordings of what to say. Read on!
Weddings are expensive, especially Nigerian weddings which are usually OTT (Over-the-Top). One of the ways couples use to raise money for wedding is by asking parents, if they are well-to-do. How you ask is very important, especially with Nigerian parents.
Some people prefer to keep executing their wedding plans, not ask parents for money, and if they come offering some funds, they take it. Others prefer to not wait, and instead want to ask their parents to help them pay for all or some of their wedding expenses. If your parents are well-to-do, this is something that they’d be happy to oblige you.
Now the question is ‘how do you ask your parents for wedding money?’. Well, you just have to find a way to ask them, and we’re here to guide you. This post will show you how, with example wordings of what to say. Let’s dive straight into it!
How to Ask Parents for Wedding Money in 9 Steps
1. Ensure that you’re on the same page with your fiancé, about the type of wedding you both want. Use our couples pre-planning quiz to help with that.
2. Set your wedding budget and do a breakdown of expenses (itemized list), including vendors fees and venue budget. You can follow our easy steps to make your wedding budget, if you don’t have a budget yet.
3. Actually go out to research current prices of things and vendors, and update your wedding expenses list.
4. Determine how much of your wedding cost you can pay for or have saved up for (between you and your fiancé). Look inwards and see how much of your entire wedding expenses you already have/ can afford.
5. Make a wedding wishlist of the items or specific vendors payment you wish your parents can support you financially with.
6. Schedule a meeting with your parents. Don’t barge in on them – be respectful of their time. Be sure to let them know what the meeting is about, which is: you want to update about how far you have gone with your wedding plans so you can get their feedback and inputs. and also ask if they would like to support you in any way (financially). That way, you’re giving them time to think and be prepared.
7. Decide on what exactly you’re asking for. Decide whether you want to ask for the wedding money as a gift/ donation or a loan. Depending on how well-to-do your parents are, you know whether the money you ask for will break them. Some parents are known to sponsor weddings of their children and relatives, and if your parents is one of them, it may not hurt to ask for wedding money as a gift.
8. Let each partner ask their own parents. It may be better for each partner to ask their own parents separately. You may also want to take your significant other along for this conversation.
9. Ask Respectfully. Be polite and respectful when you ask your parents to help cover your wedding cost.
10. Keep an Open Mind; Go to them with Zero Expectations. It’s important to know that your parents may not be in a position to give you any money. Going with an open mind that it could turn out either way will help you avoid feeling disappointed. Remember that no one forced you to get married or plan a wedding, so do not go to your parents feeling like they owe you the wedding money. That’s why I recommend that couples plan their weddings according to the amount of money they are capable of saving up themselves. Having your own money before you go to your parents ensures that you can still go ahead with your wedding if it turns out that you didn’t get a dime from your parents.
What to Say When Asking Parents to Contribute to Wedding (8 Sample Wordings)
Here are examples of some polite ways to ask your parents for wedding money. Feel free to use any of our 8 sample wordings as-is or tweak it to your desire:
a. What to say when scheduling the meeting with your parents.
Say something like: ‘Daddy, I’d like to know what’s a good time and day to meet with you and Mummy to talk about my wedding. I’d like to carry you along with what we plan to do and also get to know if you’re thinking of supporting us financially. Musa and I are laying out our plans and budget, and we’d be grateful for anything you help us with. Please know that even if you cannot contribute to our wedding, your presence at our wedding is enough – that’s all that matters to us.
a. Ask for parents’ inputs on things you’ve planned to do.
Traditionally, Nigerian weddings used to be planned by parents, and they loved that act of service to their children. Since today’s couples are now planning their own weddings themselves, parents are happy to be carried along. Coming to your parents to share your wedding planning progress and asking of their feedback and ideas is a great way to make them feel relevant and included in your planning.
Say something like:
‘We have made some progress on our wedding planning and I wanted to tell you about it and see if you have any ideas or inputs for us. Lagbaja’s parents have offered to support us with covering some expenses. I wanted to let you know. Would you like to also contribute to our wedding? We’ll be happy with anything you assist us with.
b. Ask for parents’ feedback on your overall wedding budget breakdown.
It’s easier to discuss around your budget breakdown, as it gives them something to pick on and comment about. When you do a printout of your wedding budget breakdown and share with your parents to look at and give you a feedback.
Say something like:
“We’ve planned out our wedding budget and would love your feedback on it. We already have some of the money saved up. We’d be grateful if you support us financially in any way. Nothing is too small. Even if you can’t contribute to our day, we love you regardless and would be honoured to have you at our wedding.
Another way to say it:
‘Daddy, Dayo and I have been talking about our wedding and we’re looking at a 300-guest outdoor wedding at a hotel venue in Lagos. We worked out the budget and think it’ll cost 5 million Naira. We’re planning to pay for it ourselves but I wanted to ask if you might want to offer to contribute something to support us. That’ll be super-helpful. We want you to know that even if you’re unable to support us financially, all we want is for you to be there at our wedding.
Here’s another way to ask:
‘Daddy, Emeka and I have been discussing about our wedding and we’re looking at an outdoor wedding at a hotel venue in Lagos. We think it’ll cost 5 million Naira. Between us, we’ve got this covered with our savings but I wanted to ask if you’d like to help us in any way. We’d be very grateful. Please know that no matter what, your presence at our wedding is what we want the most.
c. Ask for your parents feedback on your planned number of guests.
Then ask to know about how many of their own guests you should make room for. Ensure to have got your Caterer’s per-person cost on food and drinks, as well as the cost of a bigger venue. Politely explain to them why you set on that number of guests (i.e. limited funds), and that you’ll be happy to cater to more guests if things were different. Then share your caterer’s price per guest (for food and drinks) and your venue’s price for a bigger hall.
At this point, politely ask them:
Would you like to support us pay for the cost of catering and extra venue space for additional guests? Our caterer is charging N3,500 for each guest (food and drinks) and the bigger wedding hall costs N1.5 million extra. We’d be very grateful.
Nigerian parents love to have their own friends and social club members at their children’s wedding, and their own guest list sometimes outnumbers that of the celebrants (bride and groom). Being that more number of guests translate to an increase in venue cost (as per a bigger hall required) and an increase in cost of food and drinks.
d. Tie your wedding money request to a specific vendor fee or venue cost.
Make a printout of a list of the venue or vendors you have decided to hire and their fees, and show your parents. Let them know what deposits/ payments you have already made and nicely ask if they’d be able/ willing to support you by covering any or specific venue or vendor cost.
Lagbaja and I have planned out our wedding but we wanted to let you know what we have done so far. We’ve already planned out the budget budget and we’d be happy for you to look through it with us. We’d love your feedback on our ideas. Also, we’d like to know if you’d like to contribute to our wedding budget. There’s no obligation – nothing is too small. We’d appreciate anything you could support us with. Even if you are unable to support us financially, we still want you to be at our wedding, and we love you regardless.
You can also say something like:
Mom and Dad, we really love ABCD live band but they’re a bit more costly than what we have. Would you be willing to help us with hiring them?
Here’s another way to word your request for wedding money:
We’ve found a nice wedding venue that but sadly we cannot afford it. We already have Nxxx and need Nxx (extra amount) to be able to pay for it. Is that extra amount something you can support us with? We’d be very grateful.
12 Things to Note When Asking Parents to Help with Wedding Budget
1. Schedule a time in advance to prepare parents for this conversation, to update them about your wedding and how far you’ve gone, and also to see if they would like to contribute in anyway financially before the wedding.
2. When you ask, be super-polite and respectful. Respect for parents and elders in non-negotiable Africa-wide, especially in Nigeria.
3. Allow them to respond. Don’t do all the talking. Share your planning update and allow them to respond with feedback. When you meet with your parents, let them know your wedding budget, overall plans and how much of that you already have saved up. Then nicely tell them that you’ll be happy if they support you in any way they can.
Then, pause for them to make inputs and ask you where you would like to be helped or they may mention what they are willing to support you with. If they ask you for what you want, you can show them your wedding budget breakdown that includes vendors list and charges – so that they can pick an expense they’d like to pay for.
4. Don’t start the discussion with your money request. Instead, open the discussion by letting your parents know your wedding planning and execution progress. Tell them what you have already done and made deposits or full payments for. It is expected that before you ask someone to do something for you, you should have done a significant amount of the plans.
5. Be prepared to take NO for an answer, and treat any financial assistance as a gift, not a right.
6. Don’t go asking if you’re broke. Let your parents know how much of the budget you already have saved up. Don’t ask your parents to pay for your entire wedding budget – it’s your wedding, it’s yours to pay for – other people can choose to or not choose to contribute financially to your wedding.
7. Let them know how much of your wedding budget you have saved for. Your parents expect you to take responsibility for your wedding expenses, even if they want to help you. Afterall, it’s your own wedding. So, ensure to have already saved up for a wedding that you can afford, in case you don’t get any financial assistance from your parents.
8. If your parents are unable to contribute to your wedding financially, let the know you understand, still love them and would like to be at your big day.
9. Don’t start the discussion with your money request. Instead, start with a light small-talk, and gradually ease into telling them the purpose of your visit, which is to update them about your wedding planning progress. Pause in-between your talks to hear their feedback so that you can tweak your plan where necessary. If you need ideas on what to say, feel free to use wordings from the section (above) in this post where I provided an example of how how to start the discussion, plus sample wordings of what to say.
10. Keep them Updated. If your parents give you some money towards your wedding expenses, keep them updated on what you’ve done with the money, and your overall wedding planning progress. It makes them happy to know that their money is actually used for what you said it would be.
11. If you take their money, they get a say in your wedding plans. If you are not willing to compromise how you want things, better to not ask for wedding money from any one. If your parents or relatives pay for a part of your wedding expenses, they expect to have a say in how the wedding day will look, as well as have their guest list accommodated.
12. If you are asking Uncles and Aunties for wedding money, ensure to go with a nice gift (a premium wine or whiskey for the Uncles, and a premium wrapper or lace material for the aunties).
Can I ask if my parents are not rich? Only ask for wedding money from your parents if you know they are financially well-to-do.
Can I ask my rich Uncles and Aunties for wedding money? Yes, you can. The above conversation methods also work for asking for when asking relatives or even your association of friends for help with money to cover wedding expenses. NOTE: Don’t go empty-handed when going to your relatives to ask for money. It’s a good idea to go with a gift, such as a nice wine.
Recap and Final Advice When Asking for Wedding Money
Plan the wedding that you and your future spouse can afford on your own, and here are reasons why:
- Don’t rely on promised money because situations change – in case your parents or relatives who promised you money suddenly become unable to give it.
- Don’t assume that your parents or anyone will contribute to your wedding – because they may not have money for you. Save up the amount you need, and make wedding plans that are within your budget.
- If you eventually later get any promised money, you can use it to have a bigger wedding or fund the wedding wishlist you told them it would be used for.
- If you don’t get the money, go ahead with your original wedding plans.
- Either way, whether you get the wedding money from your parents or not, you still need to follow a solid action plan to stick to your wedding budget – so that you don’t run out of money mid-way.
In Nigeria, wedding planning is a full family affair. Some families have a culture of jointly raising money for family members’ weddings. Also, parents love to be carried along during wedding planning. Therefore, coming to share your wedding plans with them makes them feel included in your wedding planning. It also gives you an opportunity to respectfully and politely ask for their financial support towards your wedding expenses.
In the olden days, it was the tradition for parents to cover the entire budget for their children’s weddings. Times have changed and couples are now funding all or most of their wedding budget. For Nigerian parents that are well-to-do, paying for their children’s weddings is something they look forward to doing.
If you have decided to raise your wedding funds by asking your parents, I hope our tips and advice above on ways to ask parents for help with paying for a wedding will help you.
Thanks for reading. If you found this post helpful, I’d love to hear what you think. Which of the above methods have you used? If you used a different method to ask your parents to sponsor all or part of your wedding expenses, I’d love to hear about it. Comment down below to tell me about it.