About Stella Anokam

Stella is the founder and Editor of this blog (NaijaGlamWedding). Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Google+ and Pinterest. Submit your photos to be featured - it's FREE, because we love everything weddings, bridal showers, engagement shoots.


  1. Olumuyiwa says

    Hello Stella, I am a Yoruba guy proposed to a delta girl. I have made my first visit alone with wine and little cash for both parents. Now I’m planning for the introduction, it’s just a little one as suggested by her parents. I’ve already paid for the list, now my question is: is it necessary for me to support my in-laws with money for the entertainment on introduction day.

    • Hello Olumuyiwa, congrats on completing the familiarisation visit to your future in-laws.

      That’s a good question and here are my thoughts:

      While you don’t have to, it’s a good thing to do, especially if your in-laws are not that financially strong. You’ll want them to be able to cook presentable food and drinks on the day of your marriage introduction.

      What most grooms do is to:
      -Give them whatever amount you have to manage towards cooking/ catering and any entertainment, OR
      -Give them the exact amount: Ask your fiance to work with her mother to make a list of food items and drinks they need for the few guests, so you know how much will be enough.

      Either way is okay.

      By the way, that support towards entertainment cost is what is known as ‘Ogo Cherem’ in the Igbo Customary wedding process.

      That’s what I think you can do. You’re doing it right, so well done and I wish you all the best

  2. STCLASSY says

    Hi Stella (my namesake) please help a sister. My fiance and i are planning to go for our introduction and collecting of list in August. I am from Mbaise in Imo state while he is an Urhobo guy from Delta state. now my questions are
    1. can we travel on the same day or must i go ahead of him
    2. what kind of outfit can we wear cos we are thinking of wearing the same outfit but a lot of people are saying we are not supposed to put on the same outfit.
    3. what are the things he is supposed to come with as per the introduction only.

    • My dear Namesake and nwaannem, welcome here and congrats on your next-level towards wedding preparation. Here are my thoughts:
      – Yes, you can travel together. In that case, you should inform your parents ahead of time – of your coming and the purpose, so that they can make any necessary inquiries-from-your-village-heads ahead of time (so you won’t be delayed to return back to your base).
      – No, no, no – you should not wear a uniformed outfit. Una don marry? Hahaha. No rush… Reserve uniformed couples’ wear till AFTER the trad wedding. That kind of dressing screams ‘we’re officially married’ in the eyes of Nigerian customs and traditions. So, don’t dress same-same.
      – The choice of the first-time-meeting gifts to bride’s parents is as-his-heart-leads him. He should just take some gifts for your parents, as etiquettes anywhere demands (not just Igbo or Nigerian). But an idea is this: he may buy a good hot drink or wine for your father, and a piece of wrapper for your mother, and also anything for the rest people in the house (which can be snacks, a pack of malt or anything he desires as the OYOYO).

      Hope that helps, dear.

  3. Thanks Stella!
    How can you explain this when my wife-to-be parents are asking me to come with my people and do the marriage rites without list?

    • Hello Success, how are you today?
      In that case, first go sit down with them to let them know that you’re ready but to enable you be very prepared ahead of time.
      -Do not go alone to do this finding. Find one or two vocal friends and one or two male family members to escort you.
      -Tell them that you would like them to brief you with what is required from the groom by their people.
      -Ask them to give you details, that you do not want to be taken unawares. Ask them whether their people give any customary marriage list to the groom. Ask to have an idea of the dowry amount.
      -Let them know that your asking is in their and your own best interest, so that you come to do the marriage rites prepared, and do it to completion without going back and forth.

      No one goes to any mission blindly, and that includes going to take a bride.

      That’s my thought.

  4. Thanks Stella!
    The #15,000 they said was their own share of introduction. Secondly, they said I should forget about the list and come with my people and perform the marriage rites. Hmmnn. What do you think please.

    • I think you should have another meeting with them, no alone. Schedule to meet them with your dad with one or two elderly Uncles, and a respectable friend of yours.
      -In that meeting, have the discussion again, letting your people do more of the asking and talking. In the presence of other people, and a few elders, any shady intentions by them is bound to be eliminated.

      I believe you’ll get a clearer picture if you do this.

      I also replied you other comment.

      Hope that helps.

  5. Hello Stella!
    I went for introduction in Abia State last month. The parents of my wife to be requested me to give them #15,000 each on same day after buying everything needed for the introduction. I have also sent part of the payment to collect list. Since that time, they are not talking to me friendly. Please, what advice do you have for me?

    • Hello Success, welcome here, and thanks for sharing your customary Introduction update.

      You have done well to meet your in-laws demands, although you did not mention what they said the N15 each was for.

      I suggest you use your wife-to-be (their daughter) to find out why her parents have changed their attitude towards you. That’s because it is only by getting a glimpse of what the problem is, that you would know how to communicate to, and how to make things smooth again for progress. Try that, and let’s see…

  6. Hello Stella,
    Thanks for your advice.

    l want to ask: What is the fixed fee to pay for collection of list after knocking of door in Eberenta in Abia State?

    • You’re welcome, Prince.
      There’s no general single fee across all Igboland. It varies from place to place, and that is why the only way to find out is to ask from your wife’s people. It is fixed by their village, and not by any parent. You are also free to go yourself to their village to request.

      Hope that helps. All the best.

  7. Prince Enuneku says

    Hello ma,
    I have gone for introduction. They said I should pay #17,000 to collect list but I sent #13,000.
    Is that OK or?

    • Hello Prince, welcome to NaijaGlamWedding blog, and congrats for taking a bold step.

      You have made a bold step by sending part of the requested amount, but in most Igbo villages, it is the community that fixes an amount for collecting the list, and also regulates the contents of the customary engagement list. >The parents don’t have a hand. They can only assist you to send the money and ensure to collect the list.

      >I would suggest you try to send the balance, in order to avoid delay to list collection, as your bride’s community may not release it.

      OR ask your bride’s parents whether their community can give you the list on part-payment. I don’t know how that is done in their place, as it is different across Igboland.

      Hope that helps.

  8. Favourite says

    Hi Stella, want to ask a question fiancee will be going to pay my bride price next month,wat am I expected to do and wear there

    • Hello Favourite, thanks for your question. You should wear a typical traditional brides-attire for people of your part of Nigeria. You can find tons of pictures here and online (Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook), to see what other recent brides wore at their own weddings. Look through the pictures and choose a style and look to wear on your own trad wedding day.

  9. Dear Stella,

    Good morning!!!!

    Please kindly advice as my fiance is not in the country and he asked his family to come and do the iku aka so when he comes back we proceed with traditional and white wedding.

    Do you think am making the right decision?

    Will appreciate your response Ma.

    Thank You.

    • Hello Nkechi, welcome here and thanks for reading.

      That’s a fine plan – most people do that, because they live far away and want to get pre-celebration things checked off the list before they come down for the proper wedding events.

      So, that’s in order. Congrats in advance and know that we are here to feature your wedding on this site, after the day.

  10. Christian .O says

    Goodday Stella, I love your article and response to questions.
    I am from Edo state and my wife to be is from Enugu state. Please I have some questions to ask, am trying to reduce cost base on my income and capacity.
    1) Will her people agree to hold the white wedding in their place?
    2) Will her people agree that both igba nku and white wedding hold same day?
    3) Is it compulsary that I start immediately after my intention his know to her parent? How long will you suggest?

    • Dear Christian, thanks for reading our article on marriage introduction overview. Now let me answer your questions, one by one – starting from your last question:
      1) No, it is not compulsory – you can fix your wedding or traditional wedding or payment of dowry at any date you desire. It’s your wedding and it’s your money to be spent to organize it, and only you know when you have gathered enough to do the wedding. So, after you formally reveal your marriage intentions to her family, go back home and start making preparations (saving etc.). >Once you are ready, fix your date and inform her parents – but give enough time, so that they can put you in their schedule.
      2) White wedding in her place: Her people SHOULD AGREE – all you need to do is tell them. In fact, many parents love their daughter to wed close to where they (parents) live. So, ask.
      3) Same day traditional and white wedding? Yes, they should – these days, most couples are choosing to do it this way, and so her parents should have seen many weddings done this way. In this case, what you need to do is do your wedding-day program of events to accommodate both weddings, and then inform her parents of the day’s plans.

      Finally, be sure not to leave the work, wedding planning and pre-wedding-day work entirely to your bride’s family, just because the wedding would hold at their place. That should not be the reason, and if you do so, you may discover that your wedding may not turn out the way you want.

      Hope that helps.

      • hello.. how do I anchor an igbo engagement… I am an mc and I got this job of handling both the engagement and the wedding together.. I can’t turn down the offer as it is an opportunity for me to improve my skill too.. I need help

        • Hello Adamson, you did not say whether you’re an Igbo, as Igbo language would be spoken for the most part of the Traditional Engagement ceremony, and an MC needs to understand what’s being said or what’s going on, in order to coordinate the event.

          Let me assume that you’re not an Igbo, and that’s why you are asking – if that’s the case, you may want to think of finding an Igbo MC to join you in covering the day. That way, he covers that engagement part of the event (or both of you) and you alone cover the white wedding reception. That way, you, as the main person they hired, are more likely to deliver better than if you cover it alone.

          That’s my thought.

  11. wow, i have read lots of interesting questions and answers here. i hope i benefit just like others and get my concerns resolved.
    Am Julian, my marriage plans is on board now. my groom to be is from Benin. am happy he is everything i have asked for.
    now, we are planing to go see my people in the east during Easter since we both stay in Lagos. but i suggested we go see his people first in Benin before Easter and he obliged. Now my concern is, 1. i don’t want to go my village because my both parents are late. i want to go to my uncles place in ABA and invite my siblings and other people there.2. i want to ensure he collects the marriage list the same day, so as to save stress of coming back to east because of list. Am just thinking it on my own, haven’t told him or anyone else yet. please, advice. Thanks in anticipation

    • Hi Julian, thanks for reading our Nigerian wedding planning tips articles. Hopefully, we can provide you with some helpful tips (below):
      -On collecting the marriage list same day, from your Uncle: It’s possible, only IF you inform him way ahead of your visit. Traditional marriage lists are not made by individuals, but by the community/ village, and so your uncle may not have it or have an idea of the details of what and what is in the list. So, if you ask him to help you (and your groom) collect it from the village, he should do so – but give enough time for the back and forth messages. >HINT: It’s better for your man to be the one to make this request.
      -You want to have your traditional marriage in Aba, instead of your village: That may or may not be possible. It depends on whether your village allows their people to host traditional marriages outside – ask your Uncle to find out for you. >If it’s not possible, an alternative may what many people do, which is to host it at a hotel near your village OR to host it in one of your Uncle’s village house.

      Hope those tips help. All the best!

  12. Is it the bride parent that makes arrangement for the traditional marriage or the groom-to-be

    • The groom makes the arrangement, the bride’s family house is where it traditionally holds.

      The groom (in agreement with his bride) fixes a date, and informs the bride’s family and his. They agree if that date is okay with them; IF NOT, the groom supplies another date. Once they agree on a date, the groom with his escorts (a few family members and friends) makes the trip.

      *Usually, the groom would ask the bride’s parents for what steps and stages the traditional wedding takes in heir place, so that they are all on the same page – and no guess-work. Just ask.

  13. Lovely article. Thanks Stella. I plan doing my trad n church wedding first quarter of 2018. He is Yoruba while am Ibo and my mum said she will prefer we settle the marriage list in cash. So happy as it makes everything easy for both families. But my problem now is, which I asked my mum but she said she doesn’t know how it is done in Lagos. Can we still do the traditional marriage here in Lagos; like same day as the white? 2 of my sisters did theirs in the village hence mum’s respones. Please Stella advise. Thanks.

    • Dear Chigurl, congrats in advance. Here’s my thoughts:
      >>The decision on whether to do your traditional marriage in Lagos or not DEPENDS ON WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE BY YOUR PEOPLE IN THE VILLAGE. You know, traditionally, the traditional marriage (including bride price payment and engagement list settling) is done where the UMUNNAs are (your, the bride’s ancestral home). >>I know that some times, it is done in the township (like abroad or far away cities), but that is with advance-agreement with the people of your father and the elders in the village (your mom/ parents are in the best position to find out for you).

      >>But then, I have seen some people go to the village with their groom and settle some of the list things and bride price QUEITTLY without a party. After that, they fix their Igbankwu (the party/ celebration part of the trad in Lagos of wherever they like). >That way, they do white and trad on same day anywhere in the World.

      In conclusion, what I see is people take their groom to the village and “give what’s Ceasar to Cseaser’ (settle the list and bride price), and then co your trad party and white wedding where you like).

      That’s my take. All the best – let us know how it goes (and we are here to feature your wedding pics).

  14. Wow!!! This site is informational, to say the least. My husband to be is actually planning on coming to see my mum this week, my dad stays in the villa and mum in the city, he plans on coming alone. Thing is, 1-will he have to repeat this visit to my dad??? 2-upon acceptance, can the list be waybilled to him or will he have to still go personally to get it, if yes,,when going, can he go alone or does he have to go with family? 3-upon introduction to my family, is it mandatory that I follow him to his???

    • Thanks for your feedback, Ujay. Here are my answers to your questions:

      – He may not have to repeat the visit to your dad. In cases like this, moms would usually discuss with dads on what they see/ observe/ think about the suitor. He may meet your dad later, during your (trad/ white-) wedding planning, as it would be awkward to meet first time on the wedding day.

      – The list may be requested through your parents (on his behalf), so that he does not have to visit the village to get it. He can beg your parents to help him collect it. Once they receive it, it would be handed to him.

      – If he decides to go to the village, he may take that as an opportunity to visit your dad and introduce himself and his intention, and also collect the list. >>Such a visit is not to be made alone – he should ask a friend or 2, with one or more family members – as many or as few as he desires. And he should not go empty-handed, but with a small gift (like a bottle of wine or hot drink).

      – It is not mandatory that you accompany him.

      Hope those answers help.

  15. Hi gud p.m,pls I’ll be having my engagement dis year Oct..pls ma wen is it proper to do d traditional marriage

    • Hello Faith,
      I am confused about your question. The traditional engagement is what almost everyone means as the traditional wedding/ marriage.

      Can you re-word your question, so I know how to answer 🙂

  16. wow, I’ve learnt a lot, thanks to u. I ve a question, am pregnant for my man n hw wishes to marry me with immediate effect but d problem is my dad, he feels m nt old enough to be married even at age 27

    • Hi Tina,
      Thanks for your feedback – I am happy to know that you got good value from our Nigerian wedding planning articles. Now, on to your question, find my reply below:
      – You said you’re pregnant and he wants to marry you immediately: Congratulations, that’s a good thing, but you’ll have to find a way to announce the pregnancy to your parents and make them understand (you know how Nigerian parents feel about pregnancy before marriage).
      – You said your father feels you are too young to get married: Almost every parent sees their children as kids, no matter how old they grow to – you’ll understand when you have yours. >>My question is – have you told him that you’re pregnant? Maybe if you do, he’ll change his mind. I believe he would not want you to have the child out of wedlock, and would be more willing (to give your hand in marriage) when he hears that your man is accepting responsibility and wants to make it legal. >>So, my advice is to sit down with him and let him know the true situation, and be sure to first apologize for disappointing him (because every dad’s wish is for their daughter to first get married before pregnancy). You may want to first talk to your mother about it – she may go before you to talk to him and make him go easy on you.
      Hope those tips help.

  17. How can I manage 450k… I already bought some stuffs like the mother’s item..all

    • Hi Frank, the only way is to find places to purchase the (engagement) list items on wholesale/ bulk prices.
      Ask the women, especially married women/ mothers around you for where items are sold in bulk prices, which usually cost way less than regular places.

  18. Ajani Olubayo says

    Browsing through the Internet for a detail explanation and I am happy to found myself here, the articles have really opened my eyes to a lot of misconceptions. I am a Yoruba guy planning to marry my best friend which is an ibo girl from Imo state but based in Lagos with her parents. I am planning an introduction but don’t even know what to prepare for it. I’ve once visited her parents with my two friends and I presented myself to them and made my intention known to them, they asked a lot of questions but they later accepted me that day, I went with some wines on that day. Subsequently, I pay visits to them anytime I wish either alone or with a friend. And now, we want to take a step further as her parents requested.
    My question now is that:
    1. What can I call that my first visit, can I refer it to be that step you called “knocking on the door”
    2. What can I prepare for the next visit and how can I plan it
    3. How many people can I go with
    What are the things expected of me to do according to Igbo culture
    Please help me with all those questions, my girlfriend can’t answer all those questions as well because she’s the first born and they were brought up in Lagos, she only knows about Yoruba marriage. I will be grateful if you can give me the best guidelines and answers to all my questions as I don’t want to stay my image with her parents cos they really like me. Thanks

    • Hello Ajani, you started on the right track. Bravo!
      So, you have technically, officially made your intentions known to her parents. NEXT is:
      – ASK her parents for the traditional marriage list (see what it looks like here)
      – Purchase the ‘ LIST ITEMS”. This is the main things you will prepare for (as per your second question).
      – Fix a date for your ” IME EGO (bride price payment) and IGBA NKWU (trad wedding ceremony & reception) [Involve her parents in decisions regarding date, venue location and other matters]. **This is the Igbo version of IGBEYAWO.
      -Invite your own people (comprising close family, friends) – it’s okay to have many as you can afford to have. This is similar to the number of people you’ll ask to escort you if it was a Yoruba bride/ wedding.
      – Do the IGBA NKWU ceremony and take your wife home

      So, meet her parents and let them know that you are now ready to perform the traditional marriage rites and pay the bride price; ASK THEM FOR THE ‘CUSTOMARY MARRIAGE LIST”. Be open to her parents to let them educate you on the next steps and process to take. Even though you’ve read this post and have an idea of what the Igbo traditional marriage process is, still ask them – they’ll be happy to tell you.

      Since you’re already familiar with her family, you may want to do the remaining things at once, AFTER YOU GET THE LIST.

      Generally, there’s nothing intimidating – plan this jointly with your inlaws and ask them questions along the way. They are expecting your questions.

      Hope those tips help. All the best!

      • Ajani Olubayo says

        Hi Stella, thanks for your reply. I did my introduction proper on Jan 15 and it was marvelous. I went there with my close family numbering around 20 and we re welcomed very well. I must be sincere, Yoruba can never be such friendly or entertain more than that (kudos to igbo). Even the drinks we carried along was shared before we left and more drinks were brought out as well to entertain us. Now, I ve collected the engagement list and it was not as people proclaimed it to be, it was moderate and reasonable, majority of things there are just symbolic. As a matter of fact, it use to be more than that in Yoruba engagement but it’s not documented and it’s not always on a list like that. The next stage now is my traditional which I believe God will take control. Thanks

        • Hi Ajani. Congratulations! I’m so happy to hear that it all went well.
          Thanks for confirming that ‘the Igbo traditional marriage list and things are not as scary as most non-Igbos say it is. I told you that it’s not very different from the way you do it in Yorubaland.
          I look forward to hearing about the trad wedding – but then, I believe that it would be awesome.
          Thanks for the feedback.

  19. I want to marry an igbo girl precisely from abia state.Can I visit my bride family alone for introduction before going with my family.is it rite.

    • Hello Fidel. Yes, it’s the best way – you first do a casual visit to her family. That way, you would gauge their acceptance of you, familiarize yourself with them, ask for the engagement list – so that you will come back with your family to do the ceremony and present the list items to them.

    • My husband to be want to come and pay a casual visit to my family.
      Is it right for him to visit with win or should he come empty handed. Please list the items that is necessary here. He will be come on 1st` January 2017.

      • Hi UG, it’s not compulsory; but out of respect for your parents and to leave a good impression, it’s better for him to go with a small gift item, like a wine and/ or any item(s) he feels like – maybe also with a gift of wrapper for your mom. There’s no particular list of things to take along – anything, but drinks are common.

      • hi, good morning. I am Edo a and ma girlfriend is IBO and she is carrying ma baby of 3months now dough I accepted the responsibility of taking care of her and the baby which I have been doing. Now we want to do the traditional marriage. I have just 100k and the list I received the total cost is way beyond ma 100k. the elder brother’s traditional marriage is on the 28th April and the parents are saying mine should follow 2days after his own. please wat do I do ?

        • Hello Acholadam, welcome here and thanks for your question. Here are my thoughts:
          -You don’t have to do your own trad wedding immediately 2 days after her elder brother. I am sure they were just pulling your legs, and only want to tell you that yours is next. You can do it a few months later, once you have saved more.
          – Since you don’t have enough money for the whole engagement list items, an idea is to do a few things now (with that N100k) and do the rest later. Some people do it that way. You just have to let your inlaws know.
          – In some places, they do not accept for bride price or traditional marriage rites to be done when the bride is visibly pregnant. It may not be the same with her place – since her family are encouraging you to go on with doing the trad wedding.

          Final advice: Do a few things now, and finish the rest when you have more money.

  20. Nenye Baby says

    Dear Stella,
    My husband to be is in a far away country and will be coming back this december for ime ego in my home town in Anambra State, left for me i will like the ime ego and igba nkwu to take place same day(igba nkwu is every girl’s dream) because I work with a bank in Lagos, but he insists on only ime ego, i have a tight schedule and might not get another leave next year for igba nkwu so i want to know if I’m rightly married after ime ego so i can just go ahead and plan for my white wedding next year in Lagos.

    • Dear Nenye, thanks for stopping by, and for your comment. Nne, I totally ‘feel’ you on your preference of having both ime-ego and igba-nkwu on the same day. It can even be cheaper than hosting them separately, as you’ll save time and costs from travels (both of you making only 1 trip instead of 2). I also agree that it’s a classier arrangement.

      Thing is that he obviously has his reasons, and you have to find out what they are – is it costs or what? Is it that he can only afford to do one this year and wants to save up towards the igba-nkwu? Usually, for men, they are overwhelmed with the cost of preparing for a traditional marriage ceremony, and in most cases they over-think it and are afraid that it will cost them more than it actually costs (that’s what guys tell us when they email us here).

      -It’s also your trad – I suggest that you find out why he wants to do them separately. AMD, you should talk him into seeing the advantages of doing these 2 igbo traditional marriage rites on same day, by presenting the WINS for him.
      -Negotiate and offer ways to make having the two marriage rites much easier/ simpler for him. You know, most men don’t like the tiny details involved with traditional engagement/ wedding planning, even though they want to handle that and let you handle the white wedding.
      -If the igba nkwu budget/ cost is what’s holding him back – maybe he wants to throw you a ‘befitting’ IgbaNkwu. Maybe, working out a low-cost igba nkwu, with not so many guests, may get him to agree.

      So, find out his reasons and offer your winning suggestions.

      That’s my thoughts.

  21. hi thanks for the advices care and guide,

    pleas i will like to know the steps taking to get married to an Ikeduru girl, also one who’s parents are late

    did the introduction in the lagos in the presence of the family members but the uncle insist we must come down to the village and present same thing we presented at the introduction before we can collect the list

    in addution is it a must to do everything in the list at once,

    please urgent reply would be helpful cos am in deep thought as to wether to continue with the whole thing anymore cos its weighing me down

    • Hello Chinedum, welcome to NaijaGlamWedding. We love guys like you who are involved in their wedding planning – well done, bro.
      Now to your question, let’s take it one by one:
      -Igbo marriage processes slightly differ from one village/ state to another, so my advice here is based on my own part. Your woman’s igbo village’s marriage customs may also be different, so use my advice here as a general guide.
      -The tradition is that you first meet her Father/ his rep/ Uncle, make your intentions known, and he (her Father/ Uncle) will then tell the people in the village that you will come on so and so date to be introduced to them. When you visit her family elders at the village, there you will ask for the marriage list, and things you need to prepare towards the traditional marriage.
      -About collection of the list: You have to physically go there before you can collect it. But if her Father was alive, he may be able to go on your behalf to collect the list.
      -If her Uncle is asking you to visit the village, maybe her late Father has direct brothers who are closer to the bride than ‘this Lagos Uncle’and who you need to also formally ask him/ them for her hand in marriage, and FORMALLY REQUEST FOR THE MARRIAGE LIST.
      -I don’t know what you took to the ‘Lagos Uncle’, but you don’t need to buy too many things to go and introduce yourself to the bride’s Father’s relatives – a gift/ present is mandatory, usually some quality hot drinks/ wine and kolanuts and maybe one or more crates of soft drinks.
      -HERE’S TIP: Get her Uncle to your side, he is the one to lead you to the village. He doesn’t need to go, but will make phone calls ahead to tell them you are coming and give you tips on how to ‘deal’with the people in the village.
      -TIP 2: With some pleading and begging, you can get them to reduce the number of each type of items in the list, so that your expenses will be within your reach. That’s what guys are doing, and families/ relatives are always willing to listen to the groom.
      -TIP 3: When going to her village, ask a few people from your family and maybe 1 or 2 friends to escort you – it is best to go with people who have been to marriage negotiations/ bride price bargaining meetings before.

      MY FINAL ADVICE: Relax, it will go well and you will marry your bride without too much hassles. Just go and see her main people without empty hands (quality hot drinks) and plead and beg to get the list down.

      Hope these tips will help you.

      • thanks for the info, very insightful and helpful.

        please can the collection of the list and traditional be done almost on same day, since the bride-to-be’s parents are late just the brother’s and sisters

        and can like 300k cover the cost

        • You’re welcome, Chinedum. I’m glad I was of help – that’s why I created this Naija Wedding Planning blog.
          -The only way to gauge how much that will be enough for the marriage list is to use this one to gauge/ make a budget (click) by pricing the cost of those items in the market. NEXT, add some extra money just in case there are some other items in their own list. **TIP: Go with some elderly people from your side. TIP: Plead, respectfully beg them to cut down quantities of items here and there.
          -IF YOU CAN DO INTRO-VISIT AND PRESENT LIST SAME DAY: Thing is how will you know the list except you make that first visit? The tradition/ custom is to have a couple of days or weeks or months in-between when list collection and when you come to do the traditional bride price payment and trad wedding. This is because:
          1) Once you see the list, YOU will know when/ date you can comfortably come back to present the dowry and items in the list – maybe the next day, 2 days after or as-you-decide.
          2) You are not likely to finish buying everything in that list within the same day you visited them.
          3) You won’t want to just take the purchased list-items on a day that was not agreed in advance – so use that first day to tell them when next you will come for the ‘occasion’ or let them know you will communicate the date in a few days’time when you are sure.
          -OUR TIP FOR GROOMS-TO-BE: If you want to do everything at once, you may want to plan 2 days or more in between, let’s say Friday to Monday.
          -TIP 2: Most Igbo villages have days that they forbid to host marriage-related events or bride price payments. So, ASK and plan your trip not to fall within that day.
          -TIP 3: If you plan to do everything within a day or two, send a message ahead, in advance before you visit, through the bride’s Father/ parents or her Father’s representative (if her Father is late) – let them know date and time you will be coming, so that the elders will be around for you (they are also busy people, and you won’t make a good impression if your visit is a ‘surprise, unannounced one’).
          -TIP 4: Even before your very first first-meeting, introductory visit to her family elders, the date has to be agreed in advance between you and her Father or his rep. Let her Lagos Uncle arrange that, and you confirm before making the trip.

          I hope the above tips will be of help. Don’t worry, it will be easier and smother than you thought.

  22. Thanks for your advice and teachings pls I have some questions
    1. Is it wrong for the bride to collect the list. I ca for the groom
    2. What is needed to collect list in ikeduru
    3. Is the groom expected to do all the funding for the introduction like entertainment and all

    Pls urgent

    • Hello Chinedum, thanks for your feedback. Here are my answers:
      – Traditionally, it is wrong for the bride to collect the marriage list. Her people will ask her if she is the one coming to marry herself, or whether her intended-husband is a faceless masquerade. The purpose of the groom first visiting her village family is so that they will get to SEE YOU, have a feel of your personality, hear you ask them for their daughter’s hand in marriage. They will deem it suspicious if you want to hide from the customary introductory visit, especially if you live in Nigeria.
      – The groom-to-be is the one that is officially given the list. The bride has to take you to show her parents and elders of her family that you are asking for her hand in marriage. It is there, at some point, that you will ask them what and what needs to be done/ marriage processes.
      *As part of answering you, they will give you ‘the marriage list”.
      -What is needed to collect the Igbo engagement list is the presence of the man who is proposing the marriage.

  23. when the would-be -groom stop at the introduction stage can it be considered as marriage

    • ONLY IF he ALSO paid the bride’s dowry/ bride price and also present all the items in the ‘traditional marriage list’ that was given to the groom (by bride’s clan).
      ‘Introduction’ alone is just what it is – the groom and his family coming to introduce themselves and their intention to the bride’s family. These days some men who live far away tend to shorten the trips by doing both the introduction and list-items presentation + bride price around same time.

Speak Your Mind