If you’re a man who is planning to marry an Igbo woman, this post will get you familiar with the Ibo engagement ceremony stages and process and the customary marriage rites a groom is required to complete – it’s not as overwhelming as people say it is.
In this post, you will get an overview of the Igbo engagement and traditional marriage ceremony process, as well as see what goes into the Igbo traditional engagement list that the groom should take to his in-laws, so that you’ll know, in advance, what to expect.
The purpose of this post is to give you an idea of what to budget for when preparing for an Igbo traditional marriage ceremony. While this is a guide for grooms who want to marry Igbo women, note that the Igbo custom requires that a groom is required to officially ask his in-laws for the customary engagement list.
If your prospective father-in-law is alive, he is the one to ask; if not, ask your fiance’s mother – she knows how to get the list (usually, she’ll ask for it from the elders in the village).
The Igbo traditional engagement ceremony is in stages, but they can be done a few days apart – it all depends on when you (the groom) get the engagement gifts ready. If you’re on a low budget, and your future wife understands, you can skip one of the stages – read on to find out which one that is.
Igbo Traditional Marriage Stages in Video
Overview of Traditional Marriage Proposal in the Custom of Ndigbo (Igbo People)
Before I give you the engagement list, I thought you should know a bit about the Igbo marriage tradition. But if not, skip this section and go straight to the traditional engagement list in the next section below.
Before a man marries an Igbo girl/ woman, he must first ask for her hand in marriage, from her parents, as well as her umunna (her extended family, represented by the elders). The oyibo/ western-style ‘marriage proposal on-bended knee to the woman’ doesn’t count – her ‘yes’ to you (the groom) is not really only or final say, you still have to formally “ask” her parents, as well as her kindred (extended family) in her Nigerian home town.
So, it’s not enough to also announce your (marriage-) intentions to her parents. Marriage is a communal thing in Igboland, like everywhere else in Nigeria, so you (the groom) are expected to ask her clan for her hand in marriage in accordance with the Igbo custom and tradition.
The 4 Stages of Igbo Traditional Marriage Ceremony
According to the Ndigbo traditions and customs, the Igbo traditional wedding/ marriage involves the following stages:
- Marriage Introduction/ Proposal/ Inquiry (Iku Aka or Iju Ese) – This happens pre-wedding, and here, the bride and groom’s family get to meet and be formally introduced;
- Consent From Her Umunna/ Extended Family – This is the traditional marriage proposal. As with the Igbo customs, the groom asks for the bride’s hand in marriage, in the presence of her Umunna (direct and extended family, with family elders).
- The Dowry/ Bride Price Payment (Ime Ego) – The dowry is a presentation of the customary list of gifts by the groom to the bride’s family, to ask for her hand in marriage. It is only accepted if the family accepts the groom/ finds him worthy to marry their daughter. The dowry is not an exchange or money to buy the women but has a significance in Igbo culture. Dowry is also practiced in many parts of the World, even during Biblical times.
- Wine-Carrying Ceremony (Igba Nkwu Nwanyi) – This is the traditional wedding reception party.
In order to help our grooms get a good idea of what is involved when marrying an Igbo lady, we wrote a detailed post explaining the processes involved during each of the above Igbo traditional wedding stages, with the procedures involved.
Igbo Traditional Marriage Process Explained in Details
This post that you’re reading is part 1 of the series explaining the Igbo marriage stages, traditions, and customs. We’ve written detailed, easy to understand articles to help you understand how to go about marrying an Igbo woman. Click a link below to get familiar with the process before your big day:
- Part 1 (This Post )- The Igbo Traditional Marriage Ceremony: Stages and Custom (Grooms’ Guide)
- Part 2 – the process, Igbo traditions and customs for marriage introduction and seeking of family consent
- Part 3 – the procedure and customs involved in “Igba Nkwu” wine carrying.
- Part 4 – Answers to Frequently Asked Questions about the Igbo Marriage ceremony rites and processes.
- Part 5 – The Igbo Traditional marriage List and Bride Price
If you enjoyed reading, please help share this post with someone that may benefit from it – on Facebook/ Twitter/ by email.
MORE TIPS AND IDEAS FOR PREPARING FOR AN IGBO WEDDING:
- Igbo Traditional Wedding SONGS Playlist
- Igbo Grooms Attire Ideas: Igbo Grooms Wrapper and Shirt Attire Styles
- 8 Trendy MEN’S Senator Styles with Pocket Square (an Igbo Men’s Fave Style)
- Latest Igbo Traditional Marriage Attire for BRIDES
- Trending Igbo Traditional Wedding Hairstyles and Coral Beads for Brides
Did I miss anything about the Igbo traditional wedding stages or do you have a question? I’d love to hear from you – leave me a comment below.
Mma says
please dear, is it the responsibility of the groom to pay the bride’s father for transportation to go get the list?
Stella Anokam says
Hi Mma. The tradition does not specify about that. There’s not supposed to be any payment for transport, unless the groom willingly (without being asked) offers to gift the bride’s father transport money. Engagement List is not supposed to be transactional; it is a customary thing.
I know that some village meetings made a fee for formal collection of Engagement List. Where that’s the case, the bride’s father would usually tell the groom the exact amount. Some Fathers even choose to not mention it and just take care of it.
If the bride’s father lives in the village, he would just have to walk to their village meeting people (no transportation) to collect the list. These days, some Fathers and Mothers have had to make phone calls to their village custodians (of the engagement list) to formally request for the list, in order to avoid travelling stress and cost.
Hope that helps.
Good day I am Maryrose.. please I’ve been meaning to ask this, who takes the money sprayed to the couple during traditional marriage? Does it belong to the bride’s mother or to the couple?
Hello Iweama, I don’t know if there’s anyone it traditionally belongs to, but what I have seen at weddings is that they give the ‘sprayed money’ to the couple. That makes sense because they are the ones that need it to start a new home, and who have spent money on organizing the wedding.
Some couples choose to give a small part of that money to their mothers or any family member or friends that need transportation money to return to their base. Note that not everyone does this – it’s optional.
Pls is the bride’s parents supposed to produce the marriage list?
Yes, Vanessa – the bride’s parents are the ones to provide the customary traditional marriage list to the groom. When the groom requests, they (bride’s parents) would request it from their village heads, as it is a customary list. Note that an engagement list is not made up by the bride’s parents, but by the village traditional custodians, and the tradition is that it should be requested before any traditional marriage ceremony.
HI Stella,
I am an International and Local Wedding Planner in New York. I was asked to plan and coordinate my first White Nigerian Wedding with a guest list of 400. The groom is American and his future bride is Nigerian. I am truly excited about this because I love the culture and attire, and always wanted to start doing Nigerian Weddings. My question to you.
The bride informed me that once they start planning, I do not have to attend the traditional wedding and marriage in Nigeria, they both only want me to concentrate on their White wedding here in the USA. Is this okay, they felt that I will not be needed abroad.
Hi Hazel, I am finally getting to your comment (after my earlier response to your questions). Below is my thought:
Some people like to have an intimate, family-and-few-friends-only Traditional wedding party, but then most Nigerians do it big (huge guest list). Maybe that’s what your client is going for OR
-Maybe they don’t want or have a budget to take care of your travel and accommodation to Nigeria for their trad wedding; OR
-they want a nothing-goes-wrong white wedding day in the USA, and are afraid that your taking time off to attend their trad wedding could compromise the quality of wedding you deliver for them.
But then, I think, you could build more knowledge and experience for the niche (Nigerian Wedding planning) if you attend their trad wedding. >You may want to calm their fears by letting them know that you really want to witness it, and would arrange and pay your own flight and accommodation in Nigeria; and that your brief time off to the event would not take away from the quality of your delivery of their white wedding.
Hope that helps.
Hello. My name is Sydney. I’m doing a project for honors 10th literature, and was wondering if i could use the information from this site in my presentation. The presentation is about Ibo ceremony’s. I am doing wedding ceremony’s. Two other people in my group are doing death ceremony’s and naming ceremony’s. If i could get your permission to use the information. If I could that would be amazing. Thank you.
Hello Sydney, thanks for asking – it’s the honorable and ethical thing to do.
We only permit fair use of our information brief excerpts, quotes ON THE CONDITION THAT you give appropriate credit to this website AND provide a link to this website or specific page(s) referenced or where information was obtained. >So, yes, you can use our information and adapt it to your presentation, but be sure to give us credit.
We do not allow full lifting or copying of entire paragraphs, or entire articles. This blog is licensed under is a copyright-protected website.
hello please i would like to know if all stages can be done together since my husband to be is not based in same location with me.
Hello Eunice. Yes, all stages of Igbo traditional wedding can be done same day.
Is it a tradition in Nigeria that the older siblings are to get married first?
Hi Kerry. No, it is not a tradition in Nigeria for younger siblings to get married after their older siblings have done so. >Every time, here in Nigerian families, plenty of younger siblings are getting married before their older sisters; and also plenty of older sisters are getting married before their younger sisters. >It depends on who finds a husband first.
Hi. I’m a Hispanic woman marrying and Igbo man here in America. I’d like to ask if there is a way to incorporate both Igbo and Mexican American traditions? I’d like to have both of our cultures represented at our wedding. I’d appreciate any feedback you can give me. Thank you and God bless.
Hello Maria, thanks for reading our article on the stages of Igbo traditional marriage ceremony. Now, here is my answers to your question:
Of course, you can introduce or fuse your Mexican culture and traditions into your own wedding – it’s your day!
Just so you know:
-The tradition in Nigeria is for the traditional marriage to hold in the bride’s home (usually, her ancestral home/ village home, where her parents originate from).
-On fusing Cultures: Go ahead, make your wedding YOU & HIM – play Mexican music and Nigerian music. Serve Mexican food and Nigerian food. Wear Mexican outfits and Nigerian outfits. >>This sort culture fusion at weddings is done every time by Nigerian brides marrying Nigerian men of a tribe (or language) different from theirs. >It’s also done by Nigerian men marrying women of other cultures outside Nigeria. >Recently, I saw a wedding video of a Nigerian man who went to India to marry his bride (the Indian traditional wedding, of course) – first, he wore the Indian attire for men; and at some point, he changed into his native Nigerian attire).
Finally, remember that you are the bride and according to Nigerian customs, a bride’s traditional wedding holds in her parents’ home, according to her people’s culture. So, unless you choose, you are not obliged to do a Nigerian traditional wedding.
However, if you choose to, yes, you may – and you may customize it with your own Mexican culture or however you choose.
Hope that helps.
It has been a while since I have seen a new post. I hope you are still monitoring this site. I have been offered marriage from a man who lives in Lagos, Nigeria who is from Port Hartcourt. I live in the United States. I did not see anywhere in your article where the woman is supposed to give a dowry. I only saw that the man was. I was asked to give one and thought it sort of odd and non traditional. Can you help me to understand if this is supposed to be or not? I am very confused. Thanks
Hello Alicia. Good to see you around 🙂 You are right – it’s been long I updated, but YES, I am still monitoring the blog, and would soon start posting frequently again. So stick around 🙂
On to your question, here’s my answer: In Nigeria, the tradition and custom requires the man to pay dowry/ bride price in order to take a wife. Women do not pay dowry (not done anywhere in Nigeria), it is the other way round.
So, that man must be playing you. He lied to you.
Thank you so much for your response. I’ve told him I have not heard the tradition or custom for Nigeria ever changing and of course, he got angry. I’ve since stopped all communication with him as I knew he was lying. His mother and his sister were angry with me for not agreeing to marry him. I told them, “Why would I marry a liar?”
Thank you so much for answering. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Hello Alicia,
Thanks for your feedback. I am glad my reply could help, and I look forward to your reading more of my articles.
I wish you the very best – it shall be well with you. Please, know that there a so many honest and loving Nigerian men out there.
Hi Stella,
I am a Nigerian woman, my boyfriend is American. He has just had the first meeting with my parents to announce his intentions. My question is: when can he actually propose to me (get down on one knee, etc)? Can that happen now? Does it have to happen after all 4 steps of the process have been completed? Any advice you can provide would be great!
Thank you,
AA
Hi AA, welcome here, and congrats on your BF making that bold step.
He can propose now. Proposal does not have to be after those 4 steps. Rather, those steps should commence after the proposal, as they are steps to the wedding (traditional and white).
Wishing you the most amazing proposal.
Hi, please I want to know about an igbo man marrying from another country. I am a Ghanaian dating an igbo guy from nsukka in enugu state. will marrying him be difficult, or rather, what should I expect from that marriage?
Hello Cecilia. Thanks for your question.
Here, we focus on providing wedding planning tips, and not relationship advice. You alone are in the best position to know what marriage would be like with your Igbo guy. That’s because since dating him, you already know what his character is like and whether he is a difficult person. Therefore, sit down and analyse whether he’s a good fit for you. THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM BEING A ANGBO MAN – THE SAME APPLIES IF HE WAS A GHANAIAN OR FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD – you alone will access whether marrying the guy would be a fit with what you expect.
Once you decide to go a ahead with a wedding, you can come and read our many wedding planning tips. Thanks for stopping by.
helo bros my name is ANI JOE I red ur sites up online concerning marriage rites in some parts of Nigeria and in other parts of the world,this is a very great job u have done so far,pls bros I want to ask are u from Igbo land if u are pls tell me how ENUGU people do their own becouse my wife to be is from that state but myself am not from there
Hello Joseph. Welcome here and thanks for reading.
Enugu people are Igbos and so their marriage rites are done in much the same way as other Igbos, as described in this post. And, you can always ask your wife-to-be to explain more to you. Thanks.
Thanks, your article was enlightening, Few questions pls
1. Can stage 1 & 2 be combined,
2. Can stage 3 (ime ego) be done without the groom and bride physically present
3. My lady and her family live in Lagos, can we do stage 1-3 in the village and do stage 4 in lagos?
thanks, i appreciate the write up.
Hi Jacks, thanks for reading and for your questions.
Yes, stages 1 and 2 can be combined – most people do that, especially when they can’t find time off work to do several travels to the lady’s village.
Yes, stage 4 can be done where her father resides, if you do the previous stages at her village.
But then, it’s a good idea to let her father/ parents know how you intend to go about it.
please, kindly find out Umuororonj traditional marriage procedure for me. thanks
Hello Stella, I won’t be able to find out. You’ll have to ask someone from that area. The general procedure above is similar across every part of Igboland.
Great job you have done here. This is truly commendable. I noticed that in a few places in your write up, you used “Igbo traditional Marriage and Ibo woman”. “Marry an Igbo woman and ibo engagements” Please verify and correct.
Hello Obi, thanks for coming around:) And thanks also for pointing that out – it was deliberate. I’m igbo (too) and I know that some people call ‘us’ ‘Ibo’ people – very common when speaking pidgin English. Haha. So, that was my own fun way to identify with people who mis-call ‘us’ without knowing it. However, it’s not out of disrespect to our people. Again, thanks for taking the time to read every tiny detail – I appreciate greatly:) Hope to see you around more.
Hi, Am planing doing my engagement next year february and my wife to be she from ungbopala local government area of imo state. please i need to know the cost of the program and all items i need to buy for the ceremony. Please i need urgent reply. Thanks
Hi Michael, I guess you meant ‘Ngo Okpala’. See this article on the Igbo Engagement Ceremony List (click) – it lists the things you would be buying to take to your Igbo inlaws during your traditional engagement.
The way to get an idea of what your Ibo traditional engagement will cost you is to (1) PRINT THE ABOVE LIST, and (2) Go to the market and price each one. After that, you should add up all the cost – that is your traditional introduction budget. **NOTE THAT: the above list is general across Igboland, and may vary slightly from what your inlaws will give you – it is mandatory to formally ask for it. This article is intended to give you an idea and prepare you on how much to budget. Hope you get it?
If I’m black American woman with four kids can I marry a igbo guy and have a igbo traditional marriage or is that not acceptable in Nigerian
Hi Denisha, welcome to our Nigerian Weddings blog. Sure, re-marriage is acceptable in Igbo-land, and also everywhere in Nigeria. An igbo man is allowed to bring home any woman of his choice for marriage. So, yes – with any number of kids, you can marry an igbo man. Such marriages happen all the time. Good luck.
Thanks Stella Anokam I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post
It’s my pleasure, Denisha. We’re here to serve – my team and I. Enjoy your day.
hi stella, im a yoruba girl getting married to an igbo guy can i still do wine carrying when i change to my ibo attire? wedding is nxt month
Hello Seun, first. let me congratulate you on your coming-soon wedding. Now, let me answer your question:
>Traditionally, No, you won’t be doing wine-carrying, as traditionally, a groom-to-be performs the marriage rites required by the bride’s people. Since you are Yoruba, he will be marrying you according to your people’s tradition (you are the bride). [But there’s a subtle way you can, scroll down to see my explanation].
>However, you may want to do a non-traditional wine carrying, when you change attire – I’ve seen that happen, and that is if your people will understand that it’s just for the show. You know, these days brides especially are borrowing traditional wedding styles across the country, to make their big day more personalised and different. I’ve seen Ibo brides add transparent veils to their attire, and have their groom-to-be lift it off their face during their trad (that’s borrowed from Yoruba weddings).
>Here are more ideas for styling an inter-tribal Naija wedding like yours: you may want your wedding day (trad and white wedding reception) to have a look-and-feel of both cultures. And some of the ways to do that is by the couple wearing outfits from both cultures (outfit 1 -Yoruba, and outfit 2 -Igbo attire), playing some Youruba and some Igbo music, serving some Yoruba Food and some Igbo food; some Igbo-style aso-ebi PLUS some Yoruba-style aso-ebi, and maybe also doing an igbo + yoruba-themed traditional wedding decor.
>>Traditionally, wine-carrying is only done when the bride-to-be is an Igbo lady (it’s the Igbo way of giving out their daughter’s for marriage, and the Yoruba’s and every other tribe have their own way).
Hi, pls I write to find out on how to go about my forth coming white/traditional marriage. The two event is coming up the same day, at the same venue. Pls I need your guide on the stages iinvolved, from the church to the bride’s place Till the end of event.
Thanks.
How many times is the bride expected to change?
Most brides change two to three times. As long as your changing does not over-prolong the event, as guests hate being kept waiting.